AFC To PUA, To..
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About 4 years ago I set out on a journey to become the centre of attention of every hot woman I met.
I knew it wouldn’t be an easy path, but my newfound hobby: The Mystery Method.
It gave me the hope that it would be POSSIBLE, if not PROBABLE, that I could learn this just like any other school.
I wasn’t completely socially retarded, and I could easily talk to girls.
But not the super-hot ones, and it was a long time before I would find inner game, so I had no real sense of myself either.
I look back on those days very fondly.
I had some great experiences, hung out with a bunch of cool people (non-”sargers“, just awesome friends), went out WAY too much, spent WAY too much money, and attempted to perfect the art of Pickup Artistry.
Many a set did I enter, many a routine did I attempt to memorise internally, many a magic trick did I use to woo a certain lady (only after isolation, of course).
While these days were fond, something very large was missing within my field of consciousness.
It was almost as if there were this void within my psyche, and I couldn’t quite figure out what it was.
I mean, I was enjoying myself, I was closing HB’s (mostly numbers and kisses, not too many “f-closes”, or my personal favourite POW the “a-close” – think about it for a little bit), I was hanging out with cool people…
But still, something wasn’t quite sitting with me.
I figured it was simply because I didn’t have a big enough routine stack to run with, so I pushed on further, attempting to learn more and more, until I had an impenetrable routine fortress of closing.
Like many other guys, I simply ignored what (now) is obvious to me.
Choosing distraction over self-inquisition, and opting for the bright, shiny, fleeting (but immediate) pleasures, in place of the deeper, more fulfilling, (not so immediate) core-defining bliss.
Distraction through pleasure, and instant gratification were here and now, and I didn’t have the patience to dig a little deeper.
Here’s what was missing, and it’s impact was HUGE:
No, it wasn’t identity – I thought I had that well sorted out.
It wasn’t a lack of “results” – I wasn’t in a drought, I was enjoying the few that came my way.
It wasn’t even self-esteem, I had a great bunch of friends, and I knew deep down that I had a lot to offer a woman, if she just gave me the opportunity to show it to her…
…If she just gave me the opportunity.
THAT’S what it was: I was spending my entire pickup time trying to find women that would give ME the opportunity, rather than the other way around.
And I’m not talking some simple “be the prize” bullshit here.
What I was missing was control.
I had absolutely no control over the women that I managed to “convince” to give me the opportunity to demonstrate my worth.
I would spend set, after set, after set, perfecting my stack, soldiering on through the hard times, bathing in the good, but the control was still always with the lady that I convinced.
That’s right, I was still being the salesperson, and not being a customer.
Each and every time I went out, I would simply settle for the women that decided to give me a chance.
And that’s not saying that the women that DID give me the chance were the shallow, or drunk types. Some of these women were the wisest I’ve met to date.
They GAVE me the chance because they saw that spark coming from my core… every now and then these women saw fleeting glimpses of brilliance that I was so desperate to cover up with a magic trick.
And they decided to see what substance was behind all of that.
In other words, these women still allowed me to attempt to seduce them IN SPITE of my dishonesty. They had some form of faith, and they weren’t deluded by my stack.
For this I am glad. Imagine constantly attempting to maintain this veneer of the PUA, consistently having to spike her attraction just so she’ll show you more attention than anybody else.
Constantly having to come up with some game plan every time you arrange to meet her, or some way to score that home run, bed her and get her to agree to be your girlfriend.
What then?
There really aren’t any books around teaching you how to be a solid boyfriend, at least not in the way that you’re taught to pick up.
What then?
It’s a cycle that is self-perpetuating: feel insecure, decide that security is in having choice of hot women to bed, go out and be a PUA, keep going until you convince a woman to let you in, run routines…
…organise day 2’s, 3’s, 4’s, maybe start to like that girl, get a bit close and a bit vulnerable, realise your mistake, worry about what will happen if she becomes your girlfriend, nobody there to hold your hand…
… feel insecure, decide that security is in having choice of hot women to bed…
Rinse and repeat.
Tell me, where in that situation are you REALLY in control of what’s going on?
Let me paint you an alternate scenario now.
The scenario I’m lucky enough to be able to perceive as reality since refining my inner game:
You step out into the world on a brand new day, excited at what is to come.
You know EXACTLY who you are, what you offer, and where you’re going. Today, and everyday, is a day that you architect based on your desire to be happy, fulfilled, and satisfied.
Sure you may have to work in a job that may not be what you aspire to, but at least you can CHOOSE the way you wish to spend your time, what emotions you wish to experience, and the way in which you will interpret the world.
You have fantastic friends that you could call up at any moment and go on an adventure with.
None of this occurs because you TRY, by the way.
All of this simply exists, because YOU have elected to exist, as you are, exposed, unashamed, and happy to be alive. You know that not everybody will accept you for who you are, but why would you live any other way?
You step out into the day and begin on your journey.
As you travel you come across a woman of exquisite beauty – the kind of woman who takes your breath away, makes your heart beat twice the speed, sending that rush of electricity through your entire body letting you know that you are alive, and this woman is reminding you of just how alive you are.
Once upon a time you used to call this anxiety.
Now, it’s excitement.
Excitement at the prospect that you are soon going to meet a woman of awe-worthy beauty, and you are curious to find out what kind of a woman she really is.
You approach this woman, with no pretence, no hiding behind a wall of openers, or routines, nothing to prove, nothing to lose, everything to gain.
Sometimes you don’t even know what the words will be before they escape your mouth:
- “Wow…I…wow… you are so incredibly beautiful that I have literally forgotten how to speak my own language”
- (laughing) ”Oh my god! Thankyou.” (she gives you one of the cutest smiles you have ever seen: mischievous, cheeky, flattered).
- “No, I’m serious, you’re going to have to make yourself look less stunning, because if you don’t, I don’t know how many more words I’ll have left, and this will quickly become the worlds most boring conversation.”
- She tries to make herself look “ugly” by pulling a face “How about this?” (her tongue is sticking out, she’s showing more teeth, frowning… it just makes her look cuter).
- “Is it wrong that I’m aroused?”
The conversation could go anywhere from here, and it WILL go anywhere from here.
Because you are present with this woman, you are being REAL with her, and because of that, you have a greater connection than any amount of comfort routine could ever hope to structure.
You may not sleep with her, you may not even get her number, but at least you will know that you were more honest, more real, and more present than you could have been.
Instead of going home analysing “what could I have done differently?” you will walk through the day with an extra spring in your step know that you ARE, and that you FELT!
You are 100% in control of the way you interact with, and interpret the world.
Each and every time it’s different, but you never compromise who you are, or what you want from the world.
You are like this, not because you spent hour after hour rehearsing your opener in front of the mirror, you are like this because you found out who you were really, learnt to love that, and set out structuring your life on your terms.
- Tell me this man has no control.
- Tell me this man will only ever sleep with the women that give him an opportunity.
- Tell me this man is incomplete.
- Tell me this man is not happy.
Now let me tell YOU something that I discovered for myself.
That man exists inside of you right now.
In most instances, many men believe this man exists somewhere in the future, and that once they build a ladder of enough skill, they will be able to reach this man, and learn to be this man.
Here is one thing that has worked for me much better, and I see no reason why it wouldn’t work for you.
- Instead of adding on: strip back.
- Instead of learning: unlearn.
- Instead of trying: learn to be, and be comfortable.
This is the path of inner game.
This is the path of having more control over your life, no longer the victim: now the architect. This is the path that is rightfully yours.
All you have to do is look inward.
All you have to do is work on your inner game. The rest of the ‘game’ will simply fall into place.
Jonno
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