Are You A Victim Of “The Chase?”

by Jonathon on September 8, 2009 · No Comments

chase, woman On a forum the other day, a few of the men raised an unusual topic for conversation. The topic was all about ‘the chase‘.

The more this topic was contributed to, the more all of these men realised how much they are consumed by the chase: they love it.

Not knowing what the outcome will be, the risk, the reward, the ups, the downs, the successes and the rejection.

Except the successes weren’t really that appealing anymore.

So often, on internet forums, and in real life, I hear many men saying the same thing: I love the chase, but when I get her, I don’t want her anymore.

What’s that all about, anyway?

Yes, there is a certain exhilaration involved when you’re on the hunt. Many of the things we thrive on as men are well and truly catered for when we get a sniff of opportunity and throw ourselves at the challenge.

But we can still chase women, enjoy the chase of women, and still be satisfied with the result in a big way. Wouldn’t you much rather chase a phenomenal woman, enjoy the chase, enjoy the thrill, and be blown away by the success?

There are a couple of things that could be at play here if you’re one of these men who loves to chase, but becomes disinterested by the “win”:

1. You’re afraid to let her in. Once the chase is over, after all the bravado, now you have to be real with her. Now you have to be a little bit vulnerable. That alone scares the shit out of most men. The defence is usually to shut off: all those great feelings are now gone.

2. You’ve been chasing the fantasy image of her, and not the real image of her. I covered this one recently in my sexual fantasy post, so check that post out for more information on this whole fantasy thing.

What I didn’t cover in the sexual fantasy post was what can potentially happen in a relating situation when you chase fantasy.

How often have you seen a woman, thought she was incredible, fantasized about her, maybe met up with her a few times only to find that she doesn’t quite meet the ideal image you had of her in your head?

Let’s be honest, this woman is usually more attractive in your mind than she is to you in real life.

Every time you think of her she looks like perfection, and you can’t wait to see her, only to be slightly let down when you see her and she doesn’t match this image.

Each and every time, though, you let it slide.

The problem here is that you aren’t really interested in her. You’re more interested in what she looks like in your thoughts.

When this happens, especially in a chase scenario, you’re chasing after the ideal you’ve been fantasizing about in your head, not her as she exists in reality.

When this happens, there are many unattainable expectations she has to meet, and couldn’t possibly fulfill.

She hasn’t done anything for these expectations to be placed on her though, has she. She’s just existing, it’s you who’s made up all these rules inside your head about her each and every time you fantasize about her.

You expect the image of her in real life to match the image of her in your head: unfortunately that will never happen.

More than this though, it takes you away from her when you are in her company in real life.

You are no longer present with her, you’re still somewhat reeling from the disconnect between your fantasy and reality, hoping that the two will re-align themselves soon… hoping.

They won’t.

Now don’t get me wrong, fantasizing can be a beneficial exercise when you approach it in the way I’ve outlined in my sexual fantasy post, allowing it to re-energise you, rather than deplete you.

But if you are consistently finding you are disappointed by the results of your chase, my advice is to check in with what’s really going on.

Let this girl to be a maybe, rather than a conquest.

Jonathon