Are You Too SOFT To Read This?

by Jonathon on September 11, 2009 · No Comments

are you being soft This whole masculinity thing has been a little bit of a sore topic for me of late.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the premise, and have very much been enjoying getting back in touch with my very suppressed inner man.

Embracing this part of my life has really allowed some new perspectives to surface.

And I’ve certainly been appreciating the new discipline (…well, it’s getting there), clarity, and presence I’ve been able to experience.

But it’s still a sore topic.

That’s mostly to do with the fact that I don’t REALLY think I’ve let go of my society-taught concept of masculinity.

The area in particular I’m referring to is this whole “soft” business.

When I conjure up images of the pinnacle depiction of “Man”, people like Daniel Craig, Hugh Jackman, and George Clooney come to mind (sorry LoGun, you didn’t make the shortlist, try again next year).

“Soft” DEFINITELY is not one of the words you would use to describe any of these men.

In fact, it’s likely the opposite: those fine men couldn’t possibly be a better textbook definition of “hard” if they tried-

(and no, LoGun, we’re not talking about erections, or abs here… again)

-It’s their demeanour, the way they carry themselves, that has this air of rigidity about them: nothing could possibly perturb that brooding quality of “Man” that they walk around with.

But are they ACTUALLY stiffened to the world around them, carrying themselves in rigidity, or are they really flowing?

When I thought about this, this whole concept of “SOFT vs. HARD” in terms of the way I carry myself in my masculine, took on a whole new level.

Let’s take the example of the most ultra-masculine sport around: ice-skating… I mean football (the running and tackling with your body variety, not the European, acrobatic, poor acting variety).

[Steven edit: just to clarify - is that the one which relies on excess of brawn to substitute for the lack of skill variety?]

If a defending player, and an attacking player were to collide as two rigid forces, they would simply bounce off each other.

If a player attempting to catch the ball hardened his hands as the ball landed in them, it would simply bounce out.

Soft hands allow the perfect catch, and a certain level of flexibility, and freedom of movement are required to bring an opponent down.

How does this apply to seduction?

Well, I guess it’s the difference between you presenting a masculine veneer all stiff and rigid because that’s what you think she wants to see, versus you relaxing into your true self.

The difference here is in you pretending, and forcing something to get what you want, versus you easing the tension you carry, lowering those boundaries fearlessly, and allowing the world to come into you, rather than rigidly bouncing up against it.

It’s the difference between stiffly clutching at the things that you think will ease the symptoms of your unhappiness, versus the relaxed embrace and acceptance of your fears as you face the cause of your unhappiness.

So, men, soften up a little bit. There’s no need to force anything here.

Stand proud, stand tall, and firm, but be soft, open, and relaxed in the way you face the world, and you’ll find how unperturbed you really can be.

Jonathon