You’ve had a good week. You’re feeling good. You’re looking good.

You’re ‘in state’. Everything just works. You destroy the bar.

Every woman is asking her friends, “Who *IS* that guy?”

Everything is right with the world. You are popular. You are happy. You are fucking awesome!

I can relate ;)

Do you ever have nights where you’re just ‘off’?

You’ve had a bad week. You’re feeling bad. You’re looking bad. You’re out of state. Everything you touch turns to shit. The bar owns you.

Every woman recoils from you in revulsion.

Dude: you SUCK.

I can relate :(

On my way home from a seminar on pickup, I was feeling fantastic.

Finally, I got it. I got women. Women were solved. No joke, I felt absolutely bulletproof. You could’ve put Scarlett Johansson in front
of me on the street outside and I would not have hesitated.

Yet, at the same time… there was fear.

I was scared of losing this newfound confidence.

After all, hadn’t I been here before? After a self-help seminar, after a football victory, during a ‘lucky streak’, after OTHER pickup seminars, I remembered having amazing confidence…

…for a time.

Then: back to swings and merry-go-rounds. Up and down.

Again, here I was, a fresh ‘PUA’, afraid of falling back into my old ‘AFC’ ways.

Before, I was unhappy, out of touch with what I wanted, and shy.

So the feeling on this summer evening was that my confidence was just a transient illusion and that soon, I’d revert back to the
real me –

- the depressed, uncharismatic me (of course, there was everyreason to believe that THAT version of me, the old version, was the
real illusion – but at the time it didn’t feel like that).

I wanted confidence!

It seemed the basis of attraction, connection and happiness… and so temperamental.

I felt like an AA member always on the verge of relapse.

Staying ’sober’ was a daily struggle – if the challenge became too great, it was always a temptation to throw in the towel. Being drunk was my ‘natural’ state…

…being sober was an effort.

Was this AA mindset an appropriate analogy? Was it really true that ‘confidence’ was an effort, something to ‘do’?

I believed it’s easy and natural to be shy and depressed – that takes no effort (right?).

Confidence takes effort (right?)

What *IS* confidence?

“I KNOW I can do this. I know I can fuck her. I know I’m awesome.”

Is that confidence? Or is it hubris? Or is it bullshitting yourself?

I have it on good authority that confidence is absence of fear.

“Maybe I’ll get her, maybe I won’t. I want her, but I don’t need her. My life will go on, with me pursuing what makes me happy.”

When I feel confident, it’s great: I do what I want. But then, what if something shakes me?

Imagine walking along the beach when you see an amazingly beautiful women. She’s with her girlfriends, laughing and rubbing lotion over her perfect body.

How do you feel?

“Do I approach her? What do I say? What if she laughs at me? I’ll lose my confidence. I’ll be shy, think sad thoughts, hold back.”

Which is easier:

- to have confidence (i.e., to focus on what I want, not take up mental energy with the opinions of others, do what I feel like, be myself, be natural), or

- not (to focus on fear and try to anticipate what others are thinking/wanting, play social games, put on a facade)?

That’s when I realised that having confidence is actually much easier than not having it.

Here is where it gets all Zen and profound and shit: I was busy trying to protect my confidence because I was scared of relapsing…

…but with this very act, I was destroying my confidence by focusing on fear.

If I’d let it go, I would’ve found that natural childlike confidence there for taking.

I know what you’re thinking-

“What about the next time I REALLY fuck up? What if I DO fall into old habits and focus on fear?…

…What if I get shot down by a beautiful woman on the beach and it trashes my confidence, in spite of my best intentions? …

….Is this all just pointless keyboard jockeying? Word trickery? Some bullshit mindhack?”

-And I like your style.

You’re really analysing this stuff – usually a terrible idea, in my opinion. But since you’re making the effort I’d better come clean:

Nobody’s perfect. I feel scared sometimes, I feel nervous, I make mistakes. I just don’t feel that these things are related to my confidence.

A successful man said, “Sometimes, all I have is my confidence.” This blew my mind when I heard it. All you have? How does that make any sense?

Doesn’t confidence come AFTER you’re reassured that everything is alright?

He elaborated and said that there is good and bad in everything, and you can choose what you focus on. He, personally, would rather be happy than sad, so he focuses on the good.

So even if you’re scared, confidence is a choice – and the easier, more natural one.

Once you really get this, you won’t be worried about falling back into bad habits. I’m not.

Luke (deepPlay)

I’m serious.

Here, take it. I grant you the right, by the powers vested in me by whatever. Go nuts.

What do you mean, you don’t want it?

Oh, I’m not authorised to hand out such licenses?

Wait, you’re saying that NOBODY has this kind of license to give out?

That it doesn’t exist? That I’ve gone mental?

But then, why do you kiss ass so hard with *her* in the hope of getting a license?

Don’t act coy: I know you do.

You try to make the girls (and the boys) like you, so they finally let you do what you want. I know you do because I know you’re just like me.

A while ago, I met a guy through friends.

He was a ‘pick-up artist’, a student of the techniques of seduction. I had heard of this so-called ’seduction community’ and was interested in meeting a real PUA.

I clearly remember the first time I saw him. He was talking to a group of girls, they were all laughing, and I saw him smack one on the ass.

When I met him, I asked him about it. He responded with:

“I just met her… I couldn’t have done that a few weeks ago, I’m just starting to get good at this stuff.”

And I realised that had always been my deep desire: I wanted to be about to smack a girl on the ass, and do whatever else I wanted, and just get away with it.

So from that day, I became a protege of my new ass-spanking friend.

I wanted this freedom.

I wanted this license. I was asking, what can I do to get people to give me this license?

But I was ignoring another, deeper question: what was stopping my PUA friend from smacking that ass a few weeks ago?

Was his hand broken?

Was he a completely different person? What was the REAL difference?

I suppose I didn’t ask that question because I thought the answer was obvious. After all, when people like you, when you have their love and respect, you can get away with things.

You can pull things off.

It could be something as simple as going out wearing a fedora: if people like you, you’re ‘unique’; if they don’t like you, you’re ‘a dick’.

If you’re with friends, you have the ‘halo effect’ on your side. This is an observed effect in psychology wherein if someone is perceived as ‘good’, everything he does is assumed to be good.

He can smack her ass. He can sing. He can swear. He can dance. He can flirt. And it’s all good.

You can do crazy shit, and it will be seen as funny (not crazy).

You can try bizarre things and you’ll be seen as ballsy (not bizarre).

That is why I wanted to be liked. If people like you, they’re giving you a license that says:

“Do what the fuck you want. You’ve earned this license, and we will support you, without judgement.”

When I had this, I felt completely free.

The problem is, as we’ve seen, this whole license metaphor starts sounding really stupid pretty quickly, once you look into it…

Some licenses are only applicable in certain social circles. My mates gave me this kind of license (but how many more licenses do you need to cover every other scenario in your life?).

Some licenses have small print on them: it’s not a gold class license, so I can do what I want *only* up to a point (my family gave me one of these).

Some people will probably never give me the license – either they don’t have the license to give in the first place (perhaps they never
received their own license)…

…or maybe they’re the kind of person who expects you just to take the license without asking. Perhaps they hope you will.

How long are you going to wait for your license?

And when you finally get the license, will it be conditional?

Will it be revoked if you go too far with it? Will you know how to use it, or will you have waited so long that you don’t know how to do whatever you want anymore?

I think you get the idea. In lay terms: nobody else can really give you permission to do what you want. You have to give yourself
permission first.

Sure, people can react badly to you.

Not everyone is going to like you.

You can get fired, dumped, judged or rejected – but is that anything new?

And here’s the twist: the best way to avoid these things is to go ahead and print your own license anyway.

What do you think of men who do whatever they want? They’re described as badasses, real men, strong people, driven, confident, etc.

And do women like this type of man?

The irony is delicious.

All I wanted was to get away with it, to pull it off. And it seems that no matter which way you look at it, it all starts and ends with me.

Luke (deepPlay)