Why not? Well, that’s easy.

Somewhere between launching Endgame with Leigh, making headway at my new dayjob..

..and starting a new project with Leigh which will empower youth to get off the streets, plus spending a few quality hours here and there with my beautiful girl over a bottle of wino..

..there’s been little time for anything else except sleep.

I usually write here when I have a breakthrough to share. And after such a long absence I feel the pressure to reveal something HUGE, but you know what?

Today I have something very simple to offer.

Underneath all this ruckus has been an uber-powerful tool I acquired: a diary. I have always scoffed at the idea, priding myself on the idea that I can “fly by the pants”, and remember appointments, but you know what?

It never really worked.

Not as well as it does now, anyway. Credit card due dates, pay days, phone calls to be made, people to be met, forms to be sent – all of it goes into the diary.

And here’s the key: my diary is used NOT in a descriptive way, but rather in a prescriptive one – i.e., my diary is the source from which my day is lived from.

Whether I feel like doing something or not, I do it.

And if I don’t have the time for it, I make it.

I found that as soon as I started using a diary, I could take more things on. I was so much more effective, because I was no longer limited by constraints of that shitty thing we call human memory.

At the moment, I reckon I’m reaching my current limit of taking new things on. Most days are long, manic, with every minute allocated to creating something..

.. and I often spend my days that I don’t want to be doing, or am afraid of doing.

Hell? Hell no – I’m loving it.

At the end of the day I feel used up, having engaged everything I’ve committed to myself in that day fully.

I share the day over a glass of wino with the said magnificent girlfriend. And then, off we go to bed to get replenished for the next day ahead, feeling complete and used up.

By the way, these changes were inspired by the book I read a few months ago, and can’t recommend enough:

http://www.threelawsofperformance.com

Steven

Point of that story was to show how I went from surviving at work (and often getting fired) to getting a job I really wanted – and loving it.

The access to that was to begin craving challenge in my job. I wanted to get a job which I was not qualified enough for.

A job in which I’d have to hit the ground running and be out of my comfort zone – learning very fast as I went.

So great. I got that exact job.

What you don’t yet know is that four hours after I wrote that blog post, I found out that I didn’t get it, after all.

I went in to have a chat with the manager about next weeks roster, and he broke the news.

They decided that I was too under-qualified to work in their calibre of restaurant and chose to continue looking for a more experienced person.

I walked out of the restaurant in a daze. I was angry and upset. Furthermore, I began to wonder whether everything I wrote in that blog post was full of shit.

Was it all empty rhetoric which was not supported by any results in real life?

Then I really got something.

What matters is not what happens. It’s how we react to it. And how we react is driven by how we perceive the situation.

See, I could not control what happened. I lost the job, and that was the end. But I could choose what the situation what meant to me in that moment.

The reason I was angry and mad (and now frustrated) was because I chose to look at the situation as:

- a loss of opportunity,
- a loss of income,
- a waste of time which I spent looking and doing the trial shifts, and
- an obstacle which was in the way of achieving my greater goals

What about a different meaning?

I began this journey as a quest for challenge. I went for that job because I wanted the biggest challenge I could find.

And now I found out that I didn’t get it, after doing 3 shifts.

Great! This is not a loss. This was now an even bigger challenge.

As soon as I replaced the “loss” goggles with “even bigger challenge” goggles, I felt energy and drive return to me. I immediately went home to print more resumes.

And the next day I got a job at a different Italian restaurant.

When the GM, who was interviewing me, began with..

“So, what are your dreams?”

..I knew I was in the right place.

Most managers begin interviews with the Stuff – you know, the “which boxes have you ticked?”, the certificates, the years of experience.

This one began with the Dream. What am I trying to achieve? What purpose am I out to fulfill on?

Next, she told me about her passions, and the vision she has for the restaurant. I said I’d love to help her make it a reality.

And the story ends there.

I’m employed again, in a job which pays more, in a restaurant where I my experience gap is not as extreme.

By the way, all these concepts are present in a great book I’m reading at the moment, called Three Laws Of Performance. If you are ready to transform your dull workplace into one you love going to, I highly recommend it. It’s a nearly perfect business book.

Steven

If you want to change the world… love a woman-really love her.
Find the one who calls to your soul, who doesn’t make sense.
Throw away your check list and put your ear to her heart and listen.

Hear the names, the prayers, the songs of every living thing-
every winged one, every furry and scaled one,
every underground and underwater one, every green and flowering one,
every not yet born and dying one…

Hear their melancholy praises back to the One who gave them life.
If you haven’t heard your own name yet, you haven’t listened long enough.
If your eyes aren’t filled with tears, if you aren’t bowing at her feet,
you haven’t ever grieved having almost lost her.

If you want to change the world… love a woman-one woman
beyond yourself, beyond desire and reason,
beyond your male preferences for youth, beauty and variety
and all your superficial concepts of freedom.
We have given ourselves so many choices
we have forgotten that true liberation
comes from standing in the middle of the soul’s fire
and burning through our resistance to Love.
There is only one Goddess.

Look into Her eyes and see-really see
if she is the one to bring the axe to your head.
If not, walk away. Right now.
Don’t waste time “trying.”
Know that your decision has nothing to do with her
because ultimately it’s not with who,
but when we choose to surrender.

If you want to change the world… love a woman.
Love her for life-beyond your fear of death,
beyond your fear of being manipulated
by the Mother inside your head.
Don’t tell her you’re willing to die for her.
Say you’re willing to LIVE with her,
plant trees with her and watch them grow.

Be her hero by telling her how beautiful she is in her vulnerable majesty,
by helping her to remember every day that she IS Goddess
through your adoration and devotion.

If you want to change the world… love a woman
in all her faces, through all her seasons
and she will heal you of your schizophrenia-
your double-mindedness and half-heartedness
which keeps your Spirit and body separate-
which keeps you alone and always looking outside your Self
for something to make your life worth living.
There will always be another woman.

Soon the new shiny one will become the old dull one
and you’ll grow restless again, trading in women like cars,
trading in the Goddess for the latest object of your desire.
Man doesn’t need any more choices.

What man needs is Woman, the Way of the Feminine,
of Patience and Compassion, non-seeking, non-doing,
of breathing in one place and sinking deep intertwining roots
strong enough to hold the Earth together
while she shakes off the cement and steel from her skin.

If you want to change the world… love a woman, just one woman .
Love and protect her as if she is the last holy vessel.
Love her through her fear of abandonment
which she has been holding for all of humanity.
No, the wound is not hers to heal alone.
No, she is not weak in her codependence.

If you want to change the world… love a woman
all the way through
until she believes you,
until her instincts, her visions, her voice, her art, her passion,
her wildness have returned to her-
until she is a force of love more powerful
than all the political media demons who seek to devalue and destroy her.

If you want to change the world,
lay down your causes, your guns and protest signs.
Lay down your inner war, your righteous anger
and love a woman…
beyond all of your striving for greatness,
beyond your tenacious quest for enlightenment.

The holy grail stands before you
if you would only take her in your arms
and let go of searching for something beyond this intimacy.

What if peace is a dream which can only be re-membered
through the heart of Woman?
What if a man’s love for Woman, the Way of the Feminine
is the key to opening Her heart?

If you want to change the world…love a woman
to the depths of your shadow,
to the highest reaches of your Being,
back to the Garden where you first met her,
to the gateway of the rainbow realm
where you walk through together as Light as One,
to the point of no return,
to the ends and the beginning of a new Earth.

http://www.magdalenewomen.com/love-a-woman

What do you hold as “true”? Do you realise that another person could have a different perspective on your truth, and call it a “truth” also?

Which one of you is right? Who is wrong?

Steven

PS Yup, a short blog post today ;)

At work, we spend hours (and millions of dollars seeking a place we can defend, a market position and sinecure we can feel safe in.

The road to comfort is crowded and it rarely gets you there.

Ironically, it’s those who seek out discomfort that are able to make a difference and find their footing..

Discomfort brings engagement and change.

Discomfort means you’re doing something that others were unlikely to do, because they’re hiding out in the comfort zone.

When you’re uncomfortable actions lead to success, the organisation rewards you and brings you back for more.”

From Seth Godin’s great new book:

Linchpin: How To Drive Your Career And Create A Remarkable Future.

Highly recommended for those who are ready to start living beyond fears and limitations.

Steven

Heck, I remember serving a drink or six to many loyal AI subscribers and customers over the years. It’s been great.

But all that has recently come to an abrupt end.

About a week ago I decided that I was done with bartending.

Finita. Kaput. Endski.

Why? Well, because I felt like I was in an “open relationship” with that job:

- I only did that job to get a wage
- There was no connection with the work
- I didn’t worry too much about my performance
- I didn’t care if I got fired – because I could easily get another job
- I was often drunk before, during and after work
- I would get called in at odd hours
- And I’d always turn up late

Why was it this way?

Well, I ended up having that relationship to my job because at some stage I decided that what I really wanted was an easy, fun, comfortable evening job which paid my bills..

..So that I could have the freedom to work on AI during daytime hours (which I consider my main gig, my passion and partial manifestation of my purpose).

However, I realised that there was a breakdown of integrity in this setup. See, my motives for doing bartending could be summed up as:

“I want to get a biggest possible wage for the minimum amount of work possible.”

In other words, I was being a drain on the world in that area of my life.

Recently I realised that being a drain at work is a bit like watching internet porn – it’s comfortable and pleasant but it offers little satisfaction. It’s empty.

So it was time to transform that part of my life.

And who doesn’t want to get more results from our job? More money. More satisfaction. A promotion. Boss’ acknowledgment.

When it comes to getting more results, what is the first thing that we usually focus on? That’s right, we immediately change our actions, right?

We try to work longer, harder, we endure more of our boss’ shit, we look for a better paying job, we move overseas “to try to find more opportunities” .. and so on.

If we were to put this madness into an equation, it would look something like this:

ACTIONS -> RESULTS

Different actions will yield different results, right? Sure.

We also use the same formula to quit smoking, save up money, lose weight, pick up beautiful women, be better fathers, deal with difficult family members, get a firmer 6-pack.. you name it!

Does this strategy work?

Well, of course not. Reality is very cruel to such vanities.

Why?

Because there is one crucial element missing from that formula. And that element is one of Being:

BEING -> ACTIONS -> RESULTS

Your Actions and Results will correlate directly with who you’re Being.

And if who I’m Being is a man who seeks a cosy job where I’m happy to do the bare minimum so that I can pay my bills..

..then my actions will correlate with that – I’ll be an average performer, I’ll do the minimum necessary to avoid getting into shit, I’ll have no passion or zeal for the job..

..I’ll cut corners when no-one is looking..

..I’ll have no pride in my work.

And my results will also correlate with my actions: I’ll feel unsatisfied, I won’t get the good shifts, I’ll be passed for promotion, I won’t be offered responsibility and won’t get paid as much as I could be.

What’s the solution?

Well, I could intervene at the level of Actions – and motivate myself to get to work on time, not slack off, not get drunk, do the best possible job .. but as we have already discovered, it doesn’t work.

Why doesn’t it work?

Because who I’m Being – who is creating all those Actions – is still Being a drain on the universe. I’m still someone who wants to be cosy, comfy, and get paid for it.

Which is what led me to let go of Being a drain in that area of my life. I realised that results are never produced by Being in a comfort zone.

It was time for a shift. Now, what I wanted was another hospitality job which was flexible enough to fit around AI.

However, fuck being cosy, being comfortable and fuck knowing what I’m doing. Fuck being a big fish in a small pond. Which meant leaving bartending.

It was time to dive head first into a job which I wasn’t sure how to do right, and learn to swim in it, so to speak, before I ran out of air.

It was time to live outside my comfort zone. Who I was Being now could be described as:

“GIVE ME A FUCKING CHALLENGE”.

I knew that I would attract a job which fit in with that agenda. However, what I ended up attracting was pretty extraordinary.

I couldn’t think of a job that’s more suited to my needs right now. I’m working as a waiter in a little Italian restaurant, considered to be best in Sydney – right around the corner from my house in Potts Point.

The menu is in Italian, just about everyone who works there is also Italian, there’s real passion oozing out of every pore, the team love their work and at the end of the shift there is a real sense of accomplishment.

The shifts work perfectly around AI, and the pay + tips are more than I need.

Here’s the weird part.

When I walked into this restaurant to see if they’re looking for staff, I already knew I was going to work there.

On a sidenote, have you ever met a girl, and experienced the same thing?

Those moments where seconds after meeting her, you know you’re going to hook up. You like her. She likes you. You know that she knows that you like her. She knows that you know..

You know that at some yet-to-be-defined point in the future you’re going to destroy her in bed. She knows that you want to. And she wants you to. And it’s all good.

That’s integrity at play. You’re NOT operating at the level of Actions – “How can I get her to feel attracted to me?”, but at the level of Being – “This is me. I like you. And I like you even if you don’t like me.”

Getting this job was just like that.

Here’s the lesson I learned:

Results are driven by having integrity in this system:

BEING -> ACTIONS -> RESULTS

When you have integrity, results have no choice but to be produced. If you really want to live your edge, you could expand this system to include Thoughts:

BEING -> THOUGHTS -> ACTIONS -> RESULTS

I invite you to notice when your Thoughts and Actions are out of alignment.

When you do, then you may want to notice that who you’re Being in that moment may not be who you’re projecting out there as Actions. Rather, you’re probably using Actions to cover up your true Being.

If you do that, your Results will suffer.

This is the reason why PUA stuff doesn’t work. It’s all Action trying to inform Being. It may look good on the surface – and you may even get laid – but there is no integrity in it.

It’s not going to transform you, expand you or nurture you – and getting women that way is a constant struggle uphill.

Most people never get Results in life because they see this formula the wrong way around. They look at it like this:

RESULTS -> ACTIONS -> THOUGHTS -> BEING

Their logic can be summed up in a sentence like this:

“Once I get more money, and have the dream job, and learn how to pick up girls, I’ll be able to do anything, I’ll be more confident, I’ll be in a position to speak my mind and I’ll be happy, open and free.”

Of course, that is the norm by which 99.9% people live. And you know what? There is nothing wrong with that. You can live a pretty decent life by following this mantra.

But we’re not here to live “decent” lives.

We’re here to realise our fullest potential, and to be extraordinary men.

Here’s what I really got from this: you can’t anything that you don’t have already. So to create Results in your life, you first have to start Being. And everything else will follow automatically.

I invite you to start noticing areas in your life where that system of integrity is out of alignment – and it will help you see why why you’re not producing the results you want in those areas.

And if you want to find out more about how to start Being someone who creates results and lives with integrity, you will find that Seduction Community Sucks book will give you a solid kickstart in that direction.

Steven

These are some of the most commonly asked – and answered – questions in the dating advice circles.

I realised something yesterday: there is a difference between “talking about” and “sharing”.

“Talking about” usually involves a deflection of attention from the self.

“Sharing” is about becoming present to our own experience and offering another person a part of ourselves.

How often do you “talk about” and how often do you share? And how much of “you” is in each?

Steven

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein.

Steven

But did you know that Apple had a little-known third founder?

Third guy left the partnership two weeks after Apple was incorporated, selling his 10% share for less than a grand – a share which would be worth billions today.

He cited “too much risk” as the reason for leaving.

Some people say he is foolish, and describe his decision as the worst investment decision in history.

They miss one vital point – his decision looks foolish LOOKING BACKWARDS. But in that moment, he made the best possible decision he could.

He chose not to take that risk. And it cost him dearly.

But his misfortune is only so palpable because it is so directly measurable. Each one of us is this guy. He is you. He is me.

How many risks do you NOT TAKE – each day?

That amazing woman strutting past you? Could be your wife. But you choose to not take the risk of approaching her. Could be embarrassing. Others could think you’re an idiot.

What’s the cost of that loss? You’ll never know. You’ll never be able to measure that.

What about that time you had a chance to speak up in front of your boss and show him the holes in his current strategy?

Could have landed you a $50K payrise and a step up into his inner circle. But you don’t speak up. You just shuffle papers, and tell him what he wants to hear.

What about that mess you made once upon a time?

You could find that person, apologise and admit that you were wrong. But you don’t, because you don’t really need to.

And that person could be the missing link in your network. That person could be walking around her life, telling people about how great you are and creating opportunities for you without you even knowing.

Instead, she is telling everyone how much of a dick you are and is spreading venom .. without you even knowing.

So, how many risks did you take today?

Did you put out an idea that attracted criticism? Did you do something which was not the “done” thing, but you felt it was the right thing to do?

Or did you live comfortably, in a cocoon you created for yourself?

Each kind of life one is a perfectly good way to live.

But each one brings its costs and rewards. Which one do you choose? And what is it costing you?

Steven

In a nutshell, I was saying that the TV and movie characters you get most addicted to possess the qualities that you want to possess.

For example, Hank Moody from Californication is addictive because he gets ample attention from women – without even trying.

This is consistent with market research done in the seduction community..

There is a huge segment of the market who place “I want women to approach me” or “Women hitting on me” or a variation of that on the top of their wish-list.

I’d like to extend this theory of mine. Consider this: we love TV soaps because they represent what we are starved of in every day life:

Self-expression.

Watch any episode of Days Of Our Lives or Neighbours or CSI or Sex And The City and you’ll see characters confronting each other, letting others know how they feel, what they think of each other…

..being bitchy, being emotional, being angry, being full of lust, desire and envy. They’re expressing themselves, without holding back. They’re being real.

And what happens in real life?

We hold back. We suppress ourselves. We don’t confront others. Instead, we bitch and gossip behind their backs.

We don’t say “I like you. You’re awesome”. Instead, we admire from a distance, wish for more, wonder if they’re single.

In a TV soap, you never see characters catching up over a latte and talking trivial shit, like:

“Hey, how is life? Good. Busy. What’s news?”

Why? Because it would not be interesting to watch.

So why is it that most of our lives resemble a TV soap that we would not want to watch? Why are we creating a life like that?

If you were a character in a soap, would you be interesting to watch? Would you be fully immersed in your character?

Would your character be unmistakably and distinctively “FOR” something, like that chick in Sex In The City is for abundance of sex, like House is for straight talk, like Hank Moody is for being lost, yet being full of integrity?

Even if it means people criticise you for it and disapprove of what you stand for?

Steven