Calling A Woman: When To Call Her?

by Leigh (LoGun) on December 21, 2009 · No Comments

calling a woman It’s the age old question…

How soon is too soon to call a woman?

The next day?

3 days?

5 days? A week?

You don’t want to scare the woman away by calling to early. But then again, you still want her to know that you like her.

So when should you pick up the phone and call the woman you just met?

The essential issue we’re dealing with here is space, and how much to give her.

That’s what this “phone call question” is about.

Should I give her 3 days worth of space, 5 days, a week?

It’s all about how much space is enough, but not too much.

Consider this:

Have you ever been talking to a woman who you just approached – maybe in a bar, maybe in the street – and as you took a step towards her, she backed away?

I’m not talking about turning and running, but just subtly shifted her weight away from you.

Maybe it was just turning her body away from yours, or maybe even a full step.

What were your immediate thoughts?

What were your immediate reactions?

For most guys (including the old me), the natural thoughts (whether conscious or not) are that she’s running away and that they have to chase her so, the natural reaction is to take a step forward.

But is this really going to help your cause?

Are you really going to be that one step closer to having the women that you dream about in your life?

She’s taken a step back for a reason here…

She’s taken a step back because she feels (most of the time) that she needs more space from you at this point in time.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s anything wrong with you, it’s just that at this point in time, for some reason or another, she’s not comfortable with you.

Now think about it – is taking a step towards her going to give her that space she’s looking for?

Is taking a step forward going to help make her feel more comfortable? No. In fact, it’s just putting her back in the situation that was uncomfortable in before.

So what’s her natural reaction going to be now?

Well, what would yours be?

I don’t know about you, but I’d take an even further step back.

Have you ever been stuck in a store with a creepy sales assistant?

How did you feel when you were walking away and they just kept coming closer?

Well, that’s how she feels.

Is that really the feeling you want her to associate with you?

So what’s a good way to give her that space she’s looking for?

When she takes that step away, take one backwards too.

Give her what she needs to feel safe and secure.

If fact, give it to her before she’s even had the chance to, that way she wont even have to do anything.

Take that step as soon as she shows signs of not feeling safe.

Then, when she feels comfortable, she can let you know or even just take the step forward herself.

This goes for when you first meet her, to how far you probe with your questions, to when you call her, but also to escalation, and even into relationships.

But like all things that go on between a Man and a Woman, there’s a deeper level going on here.

There’s a deeper core issue that drives your actions and until you change that, this issues, as well as many other issues, are going to keep coming up in your life.

I’m sure you know how to spot someone who’s uncomfortable. The signs aren’t that secret. It’s pretty obvious.

So why are you taking that step forwards rather than giving her the space she needs?

Why are you chasing her at a time when it’s clear that she doesn’t want to be chased?

Well, what are you trying to achieve?

If you’re anything like most guys in the seduction community, your focus is directed to ‘how can I get her into my bed?’

And I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with wanting to make crazy, animal sex with a beautiful woman, but consider the impact that it’s having on your interactions with her.

When you’re not worried about what she needs and all your focussed on is ‘how can I get what I want from her?’…

…then your natural reaction is going to be taking the step forward.

But consider this:

That mindset of trying to take from her world, do you think it could be one of the forces compelling her to take that step back in the first place?

But instead of being stuck in your head trying to come up with cool things to say to try and convince her that you were the kind of guy she wanted to be with, what if you took another perspective?

What if you asked yourself ‘what does she need right now?’

Not ‘what do I need to give her so she’ll sleep with me?’

But ‘what does she need right now to feel comfortable and safe?’

What if you were so fulfilled in your life outside women that you didn’t need anything from her and were free to give her whatever she needed?

Sure, that might mean walking away, that might mean never seeing her again, but that will always mean leaving her better than you found her.

And if you went into the conversation with that attitude in the first place, do you think she’d be more likely to step away or towards you?

If she knew that all you cared about was making her feel as safe and as happy as she could possibly be, do you think she’d desire to be around you more?

Now, becoming this guy doesn’t just happen.

There’s a whole bunch of elements that are going on underneath, but that’s a conversation for a whole other day.

So, to answer your question, when do you call a woman you’ve just met?

The answer: listen to her. What is going to fill her more full of excitement, passion, love, and life? How can you give to her the most in that moment?

There are some women who get heaps of attention and are sick and tired of things being so easy for them.

They crave a guy who’s a challenge and knows how to fill them full of that passionate tension they desire by making them wait a few days.

Then there are some women who just want to feel loved and special and who crave a guy who can be open and real about his desires as he’s feeling them.

They might benefit most from calling them the next day.

Then there are the times when she’s given you her number out of habit more than anything and really don’t want to hear from you again.

And then there’s anything in between…

So, when do you call her a woman?

There is no hard and fast rule that suits every woman.

You have to stay present with her, feel into her, and ask yourself: what does she need, right now?

And like I said at the start, this just doesn’t stop at calling her…

It extends through every part of your relationship.

If you’re focused on what you can get from her, then you’re going to forever spend your time chasing her around.

You’re going to be taking the step forward and she’s going to be taking those bigger and bigger steps backward.

But, if you’re focused on what can you give her, then when she steps away, you’re not even going to have to think about stepping back, it’s just going to be a natural reaction.

Now I need to put a warning in here.

There are times when she’s going to step back but what she really wants is for you to step forward.

Not all the time, and especially when you first meet her, but it will happen.

And that’s why I don’t want you guys to take this as a hard and fast rule.

You have to feel into her and feel what she needs from you.

How is she going to feel most safe and protected yet full of emotion, right now?

If you stay with that question, it’s not going to lead you astray.

I’m not saying you’ll get it right every time, it does take practice, but you’ll be far better off than if you tried to apply one rule to every woman.

LoGun