Can You Act Your Way Out Of Insecurity?

by Steven on September 18, 2009 · No Comments

insecurity Something Jonno said to me recently brought on a peculiar epiphany.

It was at a recent inner game seminar we did. I was talking to one of the guys after the gig; Jonno was in close vicinity, talking to himself.

[See? It's my raging insecurities causing me to pay him out in my blog posts. Of course, that's a lie - only certifiably crazy people talk to themselves in public...

...Jonno is not crazy, he doesn't talk to himself. He was in close vicinity, talking to the water cooler].

OK, I lie again. He was talking with one of the guys who came to the gig. There.

Suddenly I heard the following words roll of hid tongue:

“… quite insecure actors…”, or something to that effect.

Now, have you ever been in a noisy room, full of background chatter, and suddenly your attention snaps to the sound of your name that someone just muttered 7 metres away?

Jonno’s words pierced all the room chatter and registered in my brain in the same fashion.

“Actors? Insecure?”, I turned my head.

It was puzzling to me because my own insecurities have always manifested in me retreating and shutting down. In those moments, a person standing on stage, in front of an audience or camera seemed like a poster child of all freedom and security.

I mean, there they are on stage – in plain view of everyone – not afraid to express themselves! How can they possibly be insecure, I would ponder from the safety of my damp and dimly lit batcave, peeling spiderwebs off my nose.

Jonno clarified it for me.

“Yea man, its all about attention. Look at me look at me! Am I good enough, am I good enough am I good enough?? If I’m not on stage, I’m not worthy”, is what’s going through a lot of their heads.

It seems so basic, but the genius of it never occured to me before.

I always upheld the loud, centre-of-attention performers as people who had their shit figured out more than the rest of us, thus enabling them to cope with being the centre of attention.

This lesson made even more obvious the insignificance of worrying about what I “SHOULD” be doing, thereby living up to standards set by someone else.

Even if that someone else is experiencing stardom and is typically upheld by society as “the elite”.

And this lesson highlighted the significance of doing what I “WANT” to be doing – living my purpose – thereby living to my own standards.

Upholding some actor for his ability to be onstage is one thing. Being able to see that he is onstage for the same reasons I shy away from stage is another.

Not looking up or down at this actor, and accepting his behaviour for what it is – his own process and journey, whilst also accepting myself and my own process as such is .. liberating.

Steven