Evolution Of Dating Advice.
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We have seen 2 generations of ‘dating advice’ so far:
Generation 1 – let’s call them “The Romantics” – who repeated the same kind of dating advice our mothers gave us.
“Be nice to her”, they insisted. “Listen to her attentively”, they urged.
“Keep your car clean”, they reminded.
The big failure of this kind of dating advice was that it gave men some heart, but little in the way of balls.
Needless to say, it left men wanting more. And, arguably, it played a good part in shaping a generation of ‘nice guys’ with whom women wanted to ‘just be friends’ with for years to come.
Needless to say, it left women wondering where the strong, passionate, real men disappeared.
Men who could shoot a flirtatious smile through a crowd and be unashamedly open about their desire – in the most seductive way possible.
Generation 2 of dating advice came to the much-needed rescue. Let’s call them “The Reverse Engineers” – for reasons which will become obvious in a moment.
These guys formed what we know as the modern-day seduction community / dating advice community / pickup artist movement.
Whatever you choose to call it.
They began by observing the behaviour of men who are already attractive to women.
They reaslised that such men behave in a manner that is confident and cocky. Such men take the lead. They project no neediness; they are not attached to the outcome.
They can make women laugh.
“Now, keep all these traits of an attractive guy in mind and go approach some women. With a bit of repetition all of this will become second nature and you’ll get the results you want”, they insisted.
This brand of dating advice gave men some much-needed balls, but chipped away at our hearts.
We became a teasing, busting, sometimes cocky, indifferent and qualifying and sometimes ‘natural’ (depending on which guru you followed) fraternity of men, on a mission to ‘get’ women.
The dating advice of ‘Reverse Engineers’ told not to display evidence of being attached to the outcome.
Strangely, we kinda missed the most obvious point that the reason we were reading this dating advice in the first place was to obtain a very certain outcome.
This dating advice told us not to be needy.
So we would go out and talk to women in a most non-needy way possible. And then we’d return home and catch up on more seduction theory in the form of dating advice newsletters, which screamed:
“Keep A Beautiful Woman Attracted” … “How To Get A Girlfriend” … “She’ll Never Flake On You Again”.
Does that sound like neediness?
The philosophical groundwork of “Reverse Engineer” dating advice was something like this:
“If you study up on what the behaviour and the mindsets of an attractive guy are, and then model your behaviour by adopting those mindsets, approach enough women, you’ll ‘internalise’ it all, ‘become congruent’ and you’ll eventually see the same success as those guys who are already attractive to women.”
Now, here is the fatal flaw in the philosophy of this dating advice:
Your outer issues that you’re trying to deal with e.g., “approach anxiety”, “neediness”, “attachment to outcome”, “not qualifying”, “not building rapport” are just symptoms of another issue that is brewing under the surface.
And that issue is not just limited to the area of ‘being successful with women. It’s an issue with how you perceive the world.
Which means that the promise of “getting this area of your life sorted forever”, but only if you “buy this DVD program full of secrets on how to seduce women” is as hollow as the space between Pamela’s ears.
So, when you fall into this trap and buy a program that’s called “TotallApproachAnxietyKillingEbook” with a helpful CD that’s called “ImmediateRapportWithHotChicks” thrown in as a bonus, you’re only temporarily relieving the surface symptoms of your deeper, wider issue.
So, your problems persist. For example:
- your dreaded approach anxiety keeps coming back.
- you may feel the need to ‘eject on a high note’ after you get a girls number (before you screw something up).
- you’re sometimes on fire around women, and sometimes you totally suck, wondering how you let things get so awkward.
On a side note, can you see why incongruence is very much a part of this process?
Developing congruence in this model is about suppressing ALL of the symptoms simultaneously.
Which brings me to the Next Generation of dating advice. This generation of dating advice realises that your outward behaviour is solely a product of what goes on inside. It is a product of what you’re trying to achieve.
Therefore this dating advice focuses on changing what’s inside, so that the behaviour on the surface is allowed to flow freely.
Unrestrained, in the purest, most seductive, masculine, powerful expression of you.
Steven
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