Give Your Identity A Reality Check.
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“Keep taking the easy way out until you can’t anymore…
“And when you can’t anymore, absolutely commit yourself to love, because you know that the easy way out leads to suffering: it *IS* suffering.” – David Deida
Identity; Who you are.
Or is it?
I mean, who are you, really? We tend to cling to that, which identifies us: what we do, who we are with, what we stand for, how many women we’ve seduced.
But more than just cling to it, we also seek ways of expanding that identity as well – more money, more women, more self-help, better career, more “stuff”.
And this pursuit, sometimes (or a lot of the time) is at the expense of many things: health, our function, our ability, friendships, relationships, family…
Think of all the things you’ve sacrificed in the name of something to do with your identity (a great stereotypical example is the overly busy corporate CEO).
We sometimes even convince ourselves that we do it for the greater good.
The real reason is that we do it to solidify our identity even more.
And why would we do that?
I suggest that it is to outdo all the other identity’s that surround us. To be better than; superior; alpha.
And specifically for our community: to be recognised as awesome.
We discover our unhappiness, and attempt to do the easiest thing possible to remove that unhappiness, and to feel happy again.
But in this easy quest for happiness, we continually look outside of ourselves for those answers, for it is easier for us to get the answer from somewhere else, than to look inside and create it for ourselves.
Just like Deida says – (we) keep taking the easy way out.
Sooner or later (I hope) we will realise the folly of this: that no lasting happiness or fulfillment will ever come from object, person, or thing.
But this is the curse of our identity.
Wear your identity out – take it as far as it can go. If you identify your life by the job that you do, then be that job fully.
Take it to its extreme – show up early and stay back late, sacrifice time with your family and loved ones to be at work; keep doing it until you can’t do it any longer.
Keep chasing tail until you can’t chase it any longer.
Keep doing these things until you learn for yourself that the path of your identity has never satisfied you, but more than that, WILL never satisfy you.
Once you learn this for yourself, you will have worn your identity out, like a pair of work-boots that have seen WAY too many jobsites, or the schoolbag that just can’t hold those books any longer.
Once that identity of yours has been worn out, you will have two options:
Pick another identity and pursue it with all your heart (and I am certainly one who is guilty of having done that in the past, and who is still prone to doing it to this day)…
OR
Find your life in something greater than who you think you are (your identity).
In the words of Deida – dedicate yourself to love.
Love of self.
Love of women.
Love of life.
Love of being.
When your life stops being about solidifying your identity above all else, you will find out just how delicious life is.
When you stop trying to cover up the symptoms of your unhappiness with your identity, and start living life from your core as a gift to those around you, you will KNOW how incredible this place we call reality is.
Jonathon
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