There are thousands of tips on the Internet on how to attract women…
…and EVERY SINGLE one of them misses the most crucial piece of information possible.
I know this because I read almost all of them when I was trying to get better at attracting women.
It wasn’t till I worked out this one key element that everything changed.
That one crucial piece of information is:
Attraction is a feeling, not a thought.
If you can make her feel the way she wants to feel, then she will be attracted to you.
If you can’t, then she won’t.
This might not seem like it’s revolutionary.
In fact, it might even seem obvious.
But this idea has the capacity to change everything you think you know about how to attract women.
The standard model for how to attract women is to learn a set of actions that you can apply in any situation to attract women.
The fact that attraction is a feeling, not a thought, makes this method of attracting women redundant on two key points.
Point 1: Your actions don’t determine how she feels when she’s around you.
If you were telling a story in a way that was needy, clingy, and dependant on her approval to feel good, how do you think she would feel?
Do you think she’d feel free, open, loved, happy, and excited or pressured and depended upon?
How do you think things would change if you told a story in a confident, cheeky, and playful way?
This principle applies to any action.
You can lead in a way that makes her feel pressured and creeped out or you can lead in a way that makes her feel excited and appreciated.
You can tell a story in a way that makes her feel suspicious or curious.
You can buy her a drink in a way that screams ‘PLEASE SLEEP WITH ME!’ and makes her feel pressured or you can buy her a drink in a way that makes her feel accepted into the group.
You can say ‘I really like your hat’ that makes her feel repulsed and you can say ‘Go fuck yourself!’ in a way that makes her feel excited and alive.
It’s not the actions you take that determine how she feels when she’s around you, it’s how you take those actions.
Point 2: Different women want to feel different things.
Is an 18 year old party girl who’s confident, strong, and outgoing want to feel the same way as quiet, reserved, book-worm?
Is a 32 year old childless lawyer who’s conscious of her biological clock going to want to feel the same way as a 45 year old divorcee who’s kids have flown the coop and who is ready to make up for her wasted youth?
There’s no one set of actions, mindsets or tactics that are going to allow a woman to feel the way she wants to feel because not all women want to feel the same way.
The way women (and guys for that matter) want to feel is determined by how they currently feel.
If they feel alone then they’re most likely going to want to feel connected.
If they feel powerless then they’re probably going to want to feel safe.
If they feel strong, confident, and bored then they’re probably going to feel excited.
How a woman feels determines how she wants to feel.
You can’t help a woman feel the way she wants to feel without paying attention to how she currently feels.
This gets a little more complicated because…
…the way a woman feels changes minute by minute.
A woman can feel happy and excited then change to sad and depressed.
She can feel loved and safe and then change to scared and insecure.
She can feel beautiful and alive then change to fat and bored.
Both these points make the standard model of learning how to attract women redundant.
There’s no set of actions you can learn to attract women because it’s not the actions that create the attraction.
There’s no one set of tools you can use on every woman because every woman is different.
The reason these two key points will have such an impact on your game is that they change the fundamental problem you’re trying to solve.
When most guys don’t get the success with women they want, they rationalise that they’re just not doing something right.
They think their actions are flawed and they need to change them to attract the women they want.
They start reading dating advice trying to answerthe question: what actions can I take to attract women?
Hopefully, by now, you can see that this is a pointless question on two counts.
- Your actions don’t determine how attracted she is to you. The way you’re performing those actions is the key component.
- There’s no one set of actions that works with all women because there’s no one specific feeling that all women are chasing.
To get true success with women, the question you’re asking needs to change from ‘how can I make her attracted to me?’ to:
‘How can I help her feel the way she wants to feel?’
There’s no step-by-step formula or set of tactics that are going to allow you to effortlessly and freely attract women.
The way to attract the woman you want is:
- Notice how she’s feeling
- Help her feel the way she wants to feel
- Notice any changes in how she feels
- And change how you’re making her feel accordingly.
This might seem like it’s a bit complicated, but it’s not.
It’s actually the most natural and simple thing you can do. In fact, I’d be willing to bet you’ve done this more than once, without even thinking about it.
It happens when you really care about a woman and you’re willing to help her feel good.
It happens when you’re focussed enough on the woman in front of you (rather than stuck in your head trying to come up with the next awesome thing to say) to notice what she’s going through…
…and you decide to put your needs aside and give her what she wants (rather than trying to trick her into wanting to be with you).
There are a few key questions that come up at this point in time:
- How do I change the way I’m acting to make her feel good?
- How do I know what she wants?
- How do I get out of my head and focus on her?
- How can I feel good when I don’t have women in my life?
Well, there’s one key point you need to know before I can answer these.
The answer to ALL of these questions, as well as any other you have about how to attract women, is the same.
There’s one core element that controls all of these elements and one core thing you can change to deal with all your barriers.
It’s this little thing called: Purpose.
It’s the core, driving layer that creates (and eliminates) every barrier you face with women.
If you want to know how your purpose ruins your chance with women before you even open your mouth…
…download Seduction Community Sucks from the side bar on the right.
It’s completely free and will be delivered instantly to your inbox.
In it, I’ll show you why every piece of information the Seduction Community has been feeding you is just plain wrong…
…but also exactly how you can change your purpose and become the kind of Man who is naturally and effortlessly attractive to women.
Leigh.
P.S. To help you see how powerful this concept is, I have an exercise for you.
I want you to write out a list of every problem you currently face in meeting and attracting women.
Once you have that list, go through it and ask yourself:
‘If I was solely focussed on helping her feel the way she wants to feel, would this still be a problem?’
For example:
Let’s say that one of the big things you’re worried about is rejection. You hold yourself back because you’re afraid that she might respond negatively.
If this is an issue for you, that’s fine.
Just consider this:
If your full attention was on helping her feel better about herself, would you still worry about rejection?
Would you still be searching for ways to stop her from rejecting you?
Or would you be more worried about how she was feeling and what you could do to help her?
And if you were, how do you think that would affect your chances of being rejected?
Would you be more likely to be rejected if you were trying to attract her without getting rejected…
…or if you were just focussed on helping her feel excited, alive, passionate, and challenged?
Go through your entire list of sticking points and see what you come up with. I guarantee you’ll be surprised with what you’re left with.
If you want to become the kind of Man who doesn’t have to worry about rejection, anxiety, running out of things to say, or sexual escalation, then…
…download Seduction Community Sucks now.
You can get it for FREE from the right hand side of this page.
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- The Difference Between a PUA and a Naturally Attractive Man
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although it seems familiar (to what you wrote in the past), it’s a golden advice. Will try it tonight.
Ps
Does this article has something to do with “Foreplay”?
Very good question… Yes. It does have something to do with Foreplay. I’m still in the process of developing it but I’m very excited to see what we can achieve with this little baby.
L.
What are you guys talking about?
Foreplay is another workshop that’s I’m putting together. It’s going to involve a lot of live coaching with female coaches and a lot of exercises and practices.
If you want to look at it through the pathways that I talk about in Endgame, this would be Creating. And specifically, creating in your relationships with women.
Get excited. VERY excited :-)
It wont be ready for quite a while yet as I’ve got a lot of other priorities, but it is planned.
Keep your eye’s peeled.
L.
Ooooooh nice
I Logun, i really like your things and your materials, but, just one thing, really i cant understand why you destroy the hability of create strongs beliefs..?? Why? Thats a very important thing, in lot of aspects in life, in PNL, in hypnosis, in all…and you with your book SCS destroy the skill and the capacity of believe in any strong some idea.. Why your ebook made guys looks like in a sleep state, and absolutely asexual?? are you the Evil? Are you working really for CIA – mental destruction section? why your primal objetive is become guys in retardars and stupids? And please, public these note, dont be a coward, What could I did for recover my belief hability? I will pay all what you want…have a nice day…
Hi John,
Thanks for your comment. I’m sorry that you feel so lost but I’m not sure what you’re talking about. If anything, I encourage you to have very strong beliefs.
Yes, the ideas in Seduction Community Sucks are designed to help you see the limitation of the ideas of the seduction community, but they’re also designed to help you see that there’s a different and more powerful way to transform your relationships with women. A way that involves taking responsibility for your life, owning who you are, what you stand for, where you want to go, and pursuing that.
I don’t want you to be asexual, I want you to be ultra sexual. I don’t understand where you got this idea from. Can you let me know what part of the book led you to the belief that I want you to be like that?
Leigh
P.S. I can neither confirm nor deny that I work for the CIA but that’s a topic for a later discussion… :-)
I can see what he is talking about. I`ve read your SCS from a getting perspective and I felt then what he is feeling now. If John downloads Endgame maybe all becoms much clearer. At least it did for me :)
I agree with you here. If you’ve spent your entire life operating with one end point in mind and then see realise that that endpoint isn’t what you really want, it can leave an emptiness.
I agreed with the first half. Then the 2nd half I don’t know if I am getting this right, but it feels like I need to adapt myself constantly? (What happened to being myself?) and keep trying to analyse and think what she needs to make her feel better? Whats the difference between this and “saving” her? a trap lots of ‘nice guys’ fall into?
Hey Vince,
Great question! I was wondering how long it was going to take before someone asked that.
The reason you’re confused here is you’re not making the separation between the end point and the pathway for getting there.
The ultimate end point I’m attempting to help you achieve is to become the kind of Man who naturally gives to everyone around him because he’s so happy, fulfilled, and satisfied with his life that he’s able to give completely without asking anything in return.
The pathway I’m suggesting you follow is one of being completely selfish and totally internally focused so that you are completely fulfilled and satisfied with your life without her in it. When you reach this place, you can give freely without asking for anything in return.
If you try and give before you reach this place, there’s always going to be an element of neediness, wanting to get something back for your giving.
The difference between this pathway and ‘saving her’ is if you’re totally fulfilled and happy with your life, you’re probably not going to be attracted to someone who needs saving. I can’t say this as a conclusive statement because I can only speak from personal experience but now I’m on the path of personal fulfillment, women who need saving simply don’t do it for me. I want to fill my life with people who are strong, free, powerful, and moving forward creating the life they want. I don’t want it to be weighed down by people who are only interested in taking from me.
Does that answer your question?
L.
Simply awesome post!
Helloo! These is the part of your book that make me lose lot of confidence, power in magic and money, because i normaly just create the reality that I wish to want… And I don´t know why the next day when I finish that book all my old ideas dissapear, and my mind become blank…
Cap.9 of SCS. WHY DOING AFFIRMATIONS (TO DEVELOP POSITIVE BELIEFS ABOUT YOURSELF) IS BAD FOR YOUR CONGRUENCE
Confidence and positive beliefs are very closely intertwined, but as there’s such a huge emphasis
placed on them in the bla,bla,bla,bla,bla and more bla, and my set of believes was absolutely destroyed… Include my sexual tension, again, dont be a coward and publish these comment, have a nice day Agent Logun…
Ok, so I think I get it. You had a map of the world that told you that getting power and money was the way to live your life. It was the ‘right’ way to live.
Then you read SCS and all of a sudden you see that living that life isn’t going to make you happy fulfilled or satisfied with your life. If this is right, I think I can see what’s going on here.
If you’ve spent your entire life chasing money and power, there’s a good chance you’ve been letting other people dictate what you should work towards in life. Now that you’ve read SCS and seen that those things aren’t important, you don’t know what you need to work towards because for the first time, you have to think for yourself.
Is that accurate?
I’m not trying to put you down or make you feel bad, I’m simply trying to understand what’s happening here.
L.
Is it common to feel happy and fulfilled yet when seeing a beautiful women, there is still a desire of wanting her as girlfriend, which then traps me in a getting pathway that makes me insecure a needy for that moment?
If you know what I am talking about?
I don’t know if it’s common but it’s definitely possible.
Think back to the work you did in Get Real – what’s the sensation you’re seeking behind your desire to have her as your girlfriend? And what’s a way you can expereince that through the actions you take rather than through the outcome.
L.
what’s the sensation you’re seeking behind your desire to have her as your girlfriend? —–
How can I describe it? By seeing her everyday, watching her smile, listening to her laughter, feeling the softness of her skin…..It is a sensation of comfort, a rush to the heart feeling fulfilled and loved. I guess that’s the best I can do to put it..
How would I experience that sensation through actions instead of outcomes?
I am a bit confused.. Do you mean the action of ‘making love’ with her to experience that sensation vs outcome as ‘She likes me’?
Thanks
Think back to your Get Real work. The two core desires – which one are you chasing?
It sounds to me like you need a refresher…
Week 2, I think it’s Friday or Saturday.
I will think your words… again my loved and hated at the same time favorite love guru
Wonderful mate. Let me know what you come up with.
I am totally confused… I mean i dont know what to do, i am trying to establish the confident inner me but still i am seeing no results
Ok, so what I’m reading in this is that ‘I’m trying to be more like the kind of guy that I think women will be more attracted to by trying to be more confident. The problem is that no women are attracted to me.’ Is that right?
Humans by nature are selfish that is why we tend to think more of our needs rather than our partners. It takes a real men to know the needs of a women and be able to provide and satisfy them. Nice article. Good job man!
Just a tip. You should maybe consider mentioning that the book is free because when i read your article, I ignored the link to SCS because I thought it was some sort of product you where trying to sell. Then I realized it was a free E-book, and that turned on my curiosity. Great article, always good to have those kinds of logic and simple but still important tips!
Will do mate. Thanks for the heads up.
And I’m glad you enjoyed the article. Check out the rest of the site if you want to find more info along the same lines.
L.
I knew a lot of the stuff already, but I actually learned something new thanks.
ps. nice blog my friend :-)
Even though I don’t have a lot of experiences with women I did kind of understand what the main points were about women and why sometimes they can be so complicated.
I’m glad you emphasised the point that attraction is simply a feeling.
I don’t care what your circumstances, ugly, broke, boring, you can attract hot women. It’s all about knowing 100% in your heart that YOU ARE THE MAN, and you can pull any chick you want even 10/10′s. Once you have this mindset, attracting women will be of ease.
Alex Stevens
good very good more at
hey
how do I know what realy want to feel, I can make her feel the way she want if I know it but how can i exactly know it what she realy want to feel?
You’ve asked a couple of big questions there. It’s probably more than I can answer here without going into a long conversation.
Can you sign up on the forum and post your question there? It’ll be a lot easier to have a productive conversation there.
You can access it here: Attraction Institute Forum