If you’ve met me in person, or if you read this blog often, then you probably know that I have worked as a bartender for the past 5 years.
Heck, I remember serving a drink or six to many loyal AI subscribers and customers over the years. It’s been great.
But all that has recently come to an abrupt end.
About a week ago I decided that I was done with bartending.
Finita. Kaput. Endski.
Why? Well, because I felt like I was in an “open relationship” with that job:
- I only did that job to get a wage
- There was no connection with the work
- I didn’t worry too much about my performance
- I didn’t care if I got fired – because I could easily get another job
- I was often drunk before, during and after work
- I would get called in at odd hours
- And I’d always turn up late
Why was it this way?
Well, I ended up having that relationship to my job because at some stage I decided that what I really wanted was an easy, fun, comfortable evening job which paid my bills..
..So that I could have the freedom to work on AI during daytime hours (which I consider my main gig, my passion and partial manifestation of my purpose).
However, I realised that there was a breakdown of integrity in this setup. See, my motives for doing bartending could be summed up as:
“I want to get a biggest possible wage for the minimum amount of work possible.”
In other words, I was being a drain on the world in that area of my life.
Recently I realised that being a drain at work is a bit like watching internet porn – it’s comfortable and pleasant but it offers little satisfaction. It’s empty.
So it was time to transform that part of my life.
And who doesn’t want to get more results from our job? More money. More satisfaction. A promotion. Boss’ acknowledgment.
When it comes to getting more results, what is the first thing that we usually focus on? That’s right, we immediately change our actions, right?
We try to work longer, harder, we endure more of our boss’ shit, we look for a better paying job, we move overseas “to try to find more opportunities” .. and so on.
If we were to put this madness into an equation, it would look something like this:
ACTIONS -> RESULTS
Different actions will yield different results, right? Sure.
We also use the same formula to quit smoking, save up money, lose weight, pick up beautiful women, be better fathers, deal with difficult family members, get a firmer 6-pack.. you name it!
Does this strategy work?
Well, of course not. Reality is very cruel to such vanities.
Why?
Because there is one crucial element missing from that formula. And that element is one of Being:
BEING -> ACTIONS -> RESULTS
Your Actions and Results will correlate directly with who you’re Being.
And if who I’m Being is a man who seeks a cosy job where I’m happy to do the bare minimum so that I can pay my bills..
..then my actions will correlate with that – I’ll be an average performer, I’ll do the minimum necessary to avoid getting into shit, I’ll have no passion or zeal for the job..
..I’ll cut corners when no-one is looking..
..I’ll have no pride in my work.
And my results will also correlate with my actions: I’ll feel unsatisfied, I won’t get the good shifts, I’ll be passed for promotion, I won’t be offered responsibility and won’t get paid as much as I could be.
What’s the solution?
Well, I could intervene at the level of Actions – and motivate myself to get to work on time, not slack off, not get drunk, do the best possible job .. but as we have already discovered, it doesn’t work.
Why doesn’t it work?
Because who I’m Being – who is creating all those Actions – is still Being a drain on the universe. I’m still someone who wants to be cosy, comfy, and get paid for it.
Which is what led me to let go of Being a drain in that area of my life. I realised that results are never produced by Being in a comfort zone.
It was time for a shift. Now, what I wanted was another hospitality job which was flexible enough to fit around AI.
However, fuck being cosy, being comfortable and fuck knowing what I’m doing. Fuck being a big fish in a small pond. Which meant leaving bartending.
It was time to dive head first into a job which I wasn’t sure how to do right, and learn to swim in it, so to speak, before I ran out of air.
It was time to live outside my comfort zone. Who I was Being now could be described as:
“GIVE ME A FUCKING CHALLENGE”.
I knew that I would attract a job which fit in with that agenda. However, what I ended up attracting was pretty extraordinary.
I couldn’t think of a job that’s more suited to my needs right now. I’m working as a waiter in a little Italian restaurant, considered to be best in Sydney – right around the corner from my house in Potts Point.
The menu is in Italian, just about everyone who works there is also Italian, there’s real passion oozing out of every pore, the team love their work and at the end of the shift there is a real sense of accomplishment.
The shifts work perfectly around AI, and the pay + tips are more than I need.
Here’s the weird part.
When I walked into this restaurant to see if they’re looking for staff, I already knew I was going to work there.
On a sidenote, have you ever met a girl, and experienced the same thing?
Those moments where seconds after meeting her, you know you’re going to hook up. You like her. She likes you. You know that she knows that you like her. She knows that you know..
You know that at some yet-to-be-defined point in the future you’re going to destroy her in bed. She knows that you want to. And she wants you to. And it’s all good.
That’s integrity at play. You’re NOT operating at the level of Actions – “How can I get her to feel attracted to me?”, but at the level of Being – “This is me. I like you. And I like you even if you don’t like me.”
Getting this job was just like that.
Here’s the lesson I learned:
Results are driven by having integrity in this system:
BEING -> ACTIONS -> RESULTS
When you have integrity, results have no choice but to be produced. If you really want to live your edge, you could expand this system to include Thoughts:
BEING -> THOUGHTS -> ACTIONS -> RESULTS
I invite you to notice when your Thoughts and Actions are out of alignment.
When you do, then you may want to notice that who you’re Being in that moment may not be who you’re projecting out there as Actions. Rather, you’re probably using Actions to cover up your true Being.
If you do that, your Results will suffer.
This is the reason why PUA stuff doesn’t work. It’s all Action trying to inform Being. It may look good on the surface – and you may even get laid – but there is no integrity in it.
It’s not going to transform you, expand you or nurture you – and getting women that way is a constant struggle uphill.
Most people never get Results in life because they see this formula the wrong way around. They look at it like this:
RESULTS -> ACTIONS -> THOUGHTS -> BEING
Their logic can be summed up in a sentence like this:
“Once I get more money, and have the dream job, and learn how to pick up girls, I’ll be able to do anything, I’ll be more confident, I’ll be in a position to speak my mind and I’ll be happy, open and free.”
Of course, that is the norm by which 99.9% people live. And you know what? There is nothing wrong with that. You can live a pretty decent life by following this mantra.
But we’re not here to live “decent” lives.
We’re here to realise our fullest potential, and to be extraordinary men.
Here’s what I really got from this: you can’t anything that you don’t have already. So to create Results in your life, you first have to start Being. And everything else will follow automatically.
I invite you to start noticing areas in your life where that system of integrity is out of alignment – and it will help you see why why you’re not producing the results you want in those areas.
And if you want to find out more about how to start Being someone who creates results and lives with integrity, you will find that Seduction Community Sucks book will give you a solid kickstart in that direction.
Steven
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