Not Being Yourself When You Go Out? Read This.

by Jonathon on September 9, 2009 · No Comments

not being yourself When you go out to meet women, who are you going out for: you, or them?

Are you going out to gain something, or because going out is the best way in which you can both experience, and gift the world?

Are you chasing tail, or are you on an adventure that, by it’s very nature, cannot help but uplift those around you?

Basically, the big change for me happened when I shifted focus to serving, rather than to gaining.

Let me elaborate on that.

Normally when I go out, there’s a bit of a performance at play: be as cool, as masculine, as real as possible in order to get people to like me, and hopefully get a mad bird to “agree” to give me the result I’m looking for.

This meant that at any given moment, I was checking in with my environment to see if I was any closer to, or further away from, my goal.

If I was further away from my goal, I would change the way I was being to get a more positive result.

If I was closer to my goal, I would make sure I kept doing what I was doing.

None of this was a pure and free expression of who I am as a person. Rather, it was a representation of a scientist conducting objective actions to get closer to an anticipated result.

I wasn’t present, I wasn’t gifting anybody, I wasn’t even respecting myself. Worst of all, I was not free. I was bound by my interpretation of the stimulus around me.

Now, what happened when I shifted my focus from get, to give, was a removal of a very large, and very heavy weight from my shoulders.

When you’re out as a gift, you act, perceive, and function in an entirely different way.

Instead of asking yourself “What do I need to do for them so that they like me”, you ask yourself “Who can I be, without compromising myself, to give this person what they need?”

The difference in expression is phenomenal. It’s a lot less restricted for starters.

You also become a lot more aware, receptive, and present to what’s actually going on around you, rather than what you think is going on around you.

My head was clearer, I was no longer analysing, I was just being me, at the fullest expression that I am.

I wasn’t trying to be fun so that people would like me, people just found me more appealing, more fun to be around, and were happy to be in my company.

I wasn’t forcing this, I was just becoming aware of the needs of those around me, and facilitated my expression in such a way that it was a gift, rather than a leach.

It’s a lot more fun, a lot less effort, and a lot more real.

Jonathon