And then jumped online to learn a tonne of dating advice.

Maybe you even purchased a DVD program which taught you “fundamentals” of attraction. Or two?

You were lured by the idea of becoming a “pickup artist”. C’mon admit it, I was too.

But why is it that so many guys who embark on the “PUA path” never see the success with women that they thought they would?

Let me offer you a perspective.

The reason we were shit with women at some stage in our life is because we did things that we thought would get women to like us.

We supplicated, we put up with behaviour in women which we would not have tolerated in men, we bought presents for women out of need, rather than sincerity.

We were not being TRULY ourselves.

Instead, we moulded into whatever shape we thought would get us the end result – the girl.

That is the syndrome of being – as my girlfriend put it the other day – a walking doormat. Or, in seduction community terms, a ‘nice guy’.

Is it any wonder that the women rejected those spineless versions of ourselves which we served up to them?

Along came the seduction community.

“Don’t be needy, don’t supplicate, act indifferent – until she qualifies herself to you, be high-value, don’t talk about Warcraft, lean back, here’s a routine you can use as an opener.”

Check.

So, the words that the PUAs are saying to women have come a long way from the bad old days of…

“Can I buy you a drink?”

And PUAs have even gone as far as shifting the mindsets behind their words. “Don’t be attached to the outcome, give value”, they say.

But are those shifts are as profound as they seem? Let’s investigate.

Why are PUAs being “non-needy”, “non-supplicating”, “non-attached to the outcome”? Is it not to create attraction? Which means, they’re still doing their tricks just so that…

..women would like them!

Is it progress? Or is it just more of marching on the spot, albeit in a different uniform?

Are PUAs being 100% honest with the women they talk to?

When was the last time a PUA walked up to a woman and said:

“This is kinda random, but I thought you’re really cute and I’ll feel really fulfilled after I spend a night with you, so let me demonstrate some qualities of a non-needy guy, ready?”

It seems that as we embarked on this journey of “becoming better with women” we have proceeded to learn how to pick up women, without paying much attention to WHY we’re doing it.

And in doing so, we forgot to seek advice which helps us become truly fulfilled – and then approach a woman with a cup that is full.

Instead, a trap that a lot of us have fallen into many times – myself included – is that of “I want to learn how to pick up women – because that will make me feel fulfilled”.

Is that REAL fulfillment?

Is that real NON-NEEDY, ALPHA behaviour?

Just on that note, I was sitting in traffic the other day, and a guy pulled up alongside on a Harley motorcycle.

One look at him revealed that underneath the worn leathers, the thin helmet and the barking exhaust of his admittedly cool wheels, he was still a dork.

Some Harley salesman tapped into his pain and sold him on the idea that the motorcycle was going to make up for the shortcomings he felt on the inside.

It didn’t work.

Don’t let some dating guru sell you on the idea that once you learn how to be a PUA, you’ll be any less of a dork than you were when you were being a walking doormat.

Steven

There are definitely things that you need to learn in order to attract women.

And without them, you’re never going to get the success you’re looking for.

EVER.

You’re going to relegated to her “let’s just be friends” zone for the rest of your life with all the other AFC’s.

The first thing you should learn is how to “open” women.

Because without that, you can’t start a conversation with them.

You must learn opinion openers.

(To show that you don’t find her attractive without knowing anything about her).

This one is very necessary.

Without this, you wont be able to demonstrate to her that you have standards in your life that run beyond the superficial elements of how she looks.

But you should also learn some direct openers. To show women that you’re attracted to them and have the balls to say what you think.

Then, once you’ve done that, you should learn high-octane attraction material.

Especially DHV’s.

(To show that you’re the kind of guy who goes after what he wants in life and therefore lives an exciting life filled with passion and adventure).

Oh, and don’t forget to learn some Alpha Male characteristics – to demonstrate that you’re willing to stand up for what you believe in.

Then, you need to learn qualification.

NEED. This one is crucial.

You need to learn this to convince her that you have standards in your life and that you’re only going to accept people who live up to them.

Once you’ve made your way through qualification, you should probably learn a couple of routine stacks.

This way, even if she’s the kind of woman you have nothing in common with and really have nothing to talk about with, you can continue the conversation.

Then, after you’ve made your way through that, you should learn how to close women properly.

If you don’t, there’s no way you’re going to be able to ask her for her phone number. It’s just faaaaaarrrrr too complicated to do without learning some powerful closing techniques.

So, to quickly recap:

– You should learn indirect openers to prove that you’re not attracted to her without knowing something deeper about her

– You should learn direct openers to show her you have the balls to go after what you want in life

– You should learn DHV’s to convince her that you lead an exciting life that she wants to be part of

– You should learn Alpha Male characteristics to show her that you stand up for what you believe in

– You should learn qualification to prove to her that you have standards for the people you bring into you life

– You should learn closing to make sure she doesn’t “slip away” after you spent all that time “gaming” her.

You should learn all these skills…

…one by one.

…So that you can pretend to be the kind of guy that does all these things naturally.

You should devote months and months, or even years, to sitting behind a computer screen, reading and reading, and then going out in field to implement these concepts…

…one at a time.

Until you do all these things without thinking, just so you can convince her that all these attractive elements are part of who you really are.

It’s obviously the easiest and most fun way. And the most authentic. That’s how a real man behaves, isn’t it?

Because you couldn’t just become the guy who actually has standards.

You couldn’t just get rid of the roadblocks that are preventing you from going after what you want in life.

You couldn’t just get rid of the excuses that you’re using to prevent yourself from actually BEING the kind of guy who does these things naturally…

…who knows what he wants in life and unashamedly goes after it.

That would be far too simple, quick, and easy.

You NEED to just pretend to do these things and hope that she doesn’t see through your thin facade.

You need to spend your life, changing who you are, just so that women who you don’t actually have anything in common with will hang out with you.

If you just hide the fact that you would be the kind of guy that she’s naturally drawn to if you didn’t use all these mental barriers to hold yourself back…

…she’ll definitely want to spend lots of time with you.

And that time will be rewarding and fulfilling because she’ll like you for who you pretend to be, rather than who you actually are.

LoGun

Design your day such that every activity takes you deeper and deeper into your own bliss…

Every mouth-full of food savoured. Every emotion embraced. Every experience amplified.

Just you living and doing everything that makes you completely, and utterly happy with the kickass soundtrack of your choosing.

Don’t avoid people or women though. Enjoy their presence, but don’t make them your focus.

Watch what happens to all of your interactions with women, with other people, when you are completely opened by living your perfect day.

All of a sudden you may find that you are completely available to those around you, and that not only are you available, but that you and your availability are a gift…

Without trying to be (for as soon as you try to be, you stop being).

It’s a wonderful way of being when the people you interact with are the side effect of your wonderful day, and not the sole focus of it.

It’s almost as if people are able to breathe easier around you, because they intuitively know that no matter how they are, or who they are, they are absolved of all responsibility in the matter of your happiness.

It is this very freedom that you live that allows those around you the freedom to relax in to all that they are, without having to hide themselves.

Live your day fully from the heart: the kind of heart that comes with a big dick. Not the kind of heart that comes with politeness for the sake of looking good…

Nor the kind of heart that is trying to make every body else happy (the old AFC heart, I‘m talking about living from the alpha male, old fashioned dickandballs heart:

The one that burns with the fire of passion and unconditional love.

Feel from your heart fully, then surrender to it, and walk among the gods – your friends, relatives, lovers, and all those you don’t know and would normally judge:

Walk among them as they are gods, and you are their equal – living the day you choose, the day you create, as your own god.

Jonathon

They told you that by following their rules, you’ll become Alpha.

But before you more of your time reading ‘must have’, top secret, supersized secrets of seduction, I want you to consider this:

Which guy sounds more Alpha to you?

1. The guy who is too scared to be his real self, and who hides behind the walls dating rules and seduction theory?

2. The guy who knows what he wants and goes after it – regardless of whether or not it’s written in an e-book or not….

… Because he’s stripped back all the bullshit layers, knows what he wants, and what he stands or on his deepest level – and pursues it relentlessly.

And which one do you think is going to be more attractive to confident, attractive women?

So, which path do you want to take?

LoGun

Since his work has been such an inspiration, and great teaching.

I’ve noticed something in myself that I’ve noticed within many men throughout this community -

The pursuing of this trait we call alpha male, or masculine.

In the words of David Deida, the masculine is deep consciousness, and its ability to penetrate.

And let’s face it: as men, we seek to be Alpha Males so that we can penetrate more.

But in being an Alpha Male, or becoming an Alpha, we must also learn to be more penetrative in the way in which we conduct our daily living:

- putting forth our standards into the world without fear of judgment
- diving into the world fully, rather than just dipping in our toe,
- being unapologetic in the way we desire, as well as what we desire.

But in attempting to be more masculine, we hide the part we perceive as being not masculine, and put up this barrier to hide that from the world.

In doing this, there is also a possibility that we attempt to “get a reaction” in order to cover up this inadequacy of ours.

The problem is, though, in order to be successful in our penetration of the world, the very barriers we put up to protect ourselves, are the very barriers the prevent us from penetrating.

The most masculine men I’ve ever met were never afraid of being vulnerable.

In fact, it was their ability to remain immovable within their vulnerability that actually attracted women to these men.

The removal of all barriers is exactly what allowed them to move through the world unencumbered.

So the next time you put a barrier up between you and the world in order to cover up an inadequacy, ask yourself:

“How easily you’ll be able to move through this world with that heavy suit of armour?”

It will be the lack of barrier that is exactly what will fuel your ability to penetrate the world, women, and your challenges with ease.

Jonathon

How can a man attract women by watching Californication, Boston Legal and House?

To attract women, a man needs to go out in the field, and ’sarge’, right?

Well, maybe – that could be part of the equation, but hear me out for a moment.

I’m not taking the piss. And I lost the plot a long time ago. So, nothing new there.

But I’m dead serious when I say watching TV can help you attract women.

Or, at the very least, it will help you where you’re going wrong in attracting women.

Let me explain.

Remember Lew Ashby and Hank Moody from Californication, who attract women everywhere they go?

Remember Alan Shore from Boston Legal, who attracts and dates some of the most certifiable hotties on set?

And House, who, despite his self-loathing, has the wrath and yet the attention of his lovely subordinate…

Some might argue that these characters are all made-up fantasy, and therefore their success at attracting women is irrelevant.

Such people would miss the point completely. So, let’s explore this deeper and see what we can find.

Let’s ask ourselves, why do those characters attract women?

And I’m not interested in those surface, seduction community pickup artist-type answers, like “because they OWN their frame” and “because their direct game is so tight”.

Sure, they do own their frame. And their so-called direct *IS* tight. But why??

I don’t think the scriptwriters of those shows were influenced by seduction community literature when they were creating those characters.

So, what were they influenced by? Why are those characters so enigmatic? So congruent? So attractive, and yet imperfect?

Why do these men attract women DESPITE their imperfections?

Don’t know about you, but one thing that draws me in about those characters is that they are UNASHAMEDLY THEMSELVES.

They make no apologies for being themselves. They don’t dilute their sense of self in the face of social convention or for the sake of pleasantries.

It’s as if they’re coming from a central sense of SELF; a self that is deeply and intimately known to them.

A self that projects outwards and, as Jonno would say, penetrates the world everywhere they go.

They live life on their own terms. According to their own principles. With zero concern of what others think of their version of SELF.

Not because they don’t respect other people, but because they realise that what others think of their SELF is other people’s journeys.

Not theirs..

And when I say “zero concern for what others think”, I don’t mean it in a way which some people do it – like,

“I’m going to show everyone how much I don’t care about their opinion”, so they act rebellious or intentionally self-destructive.

That version of “zero concern for what others think” is just a deep desire for approval in masquerade.

No, when I say “zero concern for what others think”, I mean being so deeply caught up in following YOUR desires – because they are of importance to you – that what others think doesn’t even register on the radar.

Living your desires. Every moment of your life. Letting others live theirs. Every moment of their life.

Becoming a unique expression of self, loving it, and not apologizing for it.

We watch those characters on screen for their colour, for their humour, for their attractiveness – which all come from their unique sense of self…

We watch them as works of fiction, being led to believe that being as colourful, funny and attractive is a condition that’s reserved for characters of fiction, or rock stars, or famous writers..

And in doing so, we forget that the only difference between us and them is that, unlike them, we often don’t give ourselves the permission to be SELF.

And on that note:

Steven

Now, stop for a moment to think how it affects your ability to do what you want. Perhaps it limits you in some ways?

And do you ever catch yourself talking to a woman, and begining to think … “what should I say to her now?”..

Rather than checking into your body and sensing … “what do I WANT to say to her now?”

And then just saying it, in the most Alpha male, confident, unashamedly masculine way possible…

Do you think that limits your possibilities with women?

The reason I’m asking is because the more I look into INNER GAME, the more I realise that so many years of my life have been wasted.

Wasted in the sense that I was doing what I thought others wanted me to be doing. Not what I wanted to be doing.

I didn’t have a life. I had an act!

I was to preoccupied with what others will think. With how to fit in. And with how to stand out.

To achieve my purpose, I built up an armoury of weapons to prepare me for the social battlefield before me…

- Hit the gym to look good. Check.
- Buy great clothes to look sharp. Check.
- Make some cash to afford nice lifestyle. Check.
- Do university degrees to sound intelligent. Check.
- Get a job in a bar where even the ’social elite’ don’t always get in. Check.

And of course, I never flaunted those attributes. Rather, I demonstrated them in subtle, clever ways, so as not to come across as “seeking approval”.

Yet, underneath the surface, that’s exactly what I was doing.

That’s why I’m so critical of ‘pickup gurus’ who tell guys that all they need to do is ‘demonstrate traits’ of a cool dude for long enough, and eventually they will just become cool dudes.

Here’s my meandering experience of that:

Demonstrating traits of a ‘cool dude’ will make you better (MAYBE EVEN THE BEST) at one thing: demonstrating traits of a cool dude.

I spend over 25 years of my life doing that .. manufacturing a shell identity which I thought would get me the praise, the respect and the acceptance from people around me.

I’d say, for 95% of my typical day my activity was underpinned by thoughts like:

- “What will others think if I do this?
- “I better do this, it will impress them”
- “Quick, they’re looking, act cool.”
- “What would XX do?”

Errgh.

Why the f*ck is another person’s opinion about you is more important to you than your own, anyway?

I fooled many people. If anything, some pretty damn well.

Whilst I bathed in the solace of their fleeting admiration and warmth, the people who were actually worth keeping in my life saw that act for what it was, and quickly moved on.

So here’s what I thought to myself this morning…

If you’re acting in a way which you think will make others accept you, like you, feel attraction for you, nod at you, smile at you, blow you, hug you, sleep with you, vote for you, wink at you -

Do you think you’ll look back at your life from the age of 60 and think…

“I stood for something .. I know who I am … that was a f*cking good life.”

Or not?

The weird thing about slowly letting go of the social armoury that I mentioned earlier is the uncanny feeling of nakedness it brings.

Whereas in the past I’d see a girl and my mind would race to,

“I look good today .. she is bound to like that. And I have some cool, pre-prepared opener on the tip of my tongue .. she’ll giggle at that one for sure…”

More and more I find that my mind runs to …

Nothing.

I have nothing. And when you realise that nothing really matters – apart from how I feel about her and the moment – that you realise the futility of having everything.

And it is in those moments, when the shields are down, when your desire for her can be told through a mere twink of an eye .. when you’re most vulnerable …

…You’re also your most powerful.

Because it is in those moments you’re living YOUR OWN life. You’re truly YOU – and not a copy of someone else.

And you are the most unique, purest expression of something so deeply greater, captivating and powerful that it makes a pre-prepared clever openers, or a nice shirt, or whatever else you thought to be important…

..as irrelevant as this very moment in the space of time if you allow it to pass you by.

Steven

What drove you to the seduction community?

- Did you want to have a cute ‘girl next door’ girlfriend?

- Did you want to be able to effortlessly chat with girls and not be nervous?

- Did you want to be the guy who women respond to (and perhaps secretly fantasize about)?

Or did you get into seduction community because you wanted to become a Pick Up Artist and go out ’sarging’ all the time?

Probably not that last one.

If you’re going to continue getting better with women, you have to realise an important fact: the path there is through being Alpha. Not a PUA.

Let us quickly show you the difference between an Alpha and a PUA.

First, a PUA:

- Has skills
- Games women
- Relies on things outside himself to add value to self
- Deep inside hopes that women like him
- Whilst outwardly demonstrating ‘non-neediness’
- Continually ’sarges’ to collect positive reference experiences
- So that he ’stays sharp’

Now, an Alpha:

- Deep inside doesn’t give a shit about what women think
- Because he acts solely out of his desire
- Not out of desire for approval
- Is ’sharp’ all the time
- Because he cannot be incongruent with his desires
- Is unapologetic about it

In essence, an Alpha is free to do what he wants. When he wants.

He doesn’t focus on what other people want him to do. He doesn’t sweat about what others think of him.

He validates himself from within.

So how do you become an Alpha?

Well, here is the thing: you already are. Surely, you can think of moments in your life when you were totally ‘in state’ and could do or say anything – and others would accept it without question.

Those are the moments of absolute freedom.

Thing is, you’ve built up layers of beliefs which cut you off from having that freedom 24/7.

And the path to shedding those layers is through inner game.

Remember, being an Alpha (a real man, not a PUA) every day of your life can make the difference between doing alright with women and getting exactly what you want. When you want.

Steven