When you do a good deed, you expect to be rewarded. Or at least recognised.

When you stay back at work, day after day, slaving away at your work, you expect a promotion.

When you approach a beautiful woman you hope (read: expect) that she will react favourably.

Let me share one of my own experiences: having an expectation that the world, and people, should change for me, has always failed for me.

The big question, though, is: how often do you look at your expectations of yourself?

This one struck me today, as I was reading a dating tip about “setting the frame of an interaction” by some dating guru.

Quite often I see this kind of dating tip misinterpreted as:

“You need to lay down the law with her, tell her how it is, and what you stand for – then just expect her to comply”.

My biggest issue with this is simple: how would you feel if somebody “laid down the law with you?” Are you more, or less likely, to respect the person “setting the frame?”

I offer an alternative: the only law you can lay down, the only expectation you can set, is that of how you will live your life, in any moment.

The only person you could really ever hope to convincingly lay the law down with, is you.

This may sound like a bit of a cop-out, but allow me to elaborate.

In setting your own terms of living, something incredible is possible:

On living your life incredibly, by laying THAT down as one of your “rules”, you are thereby creating a space in which everybody who interacts with you is also allowed that opportunity for themselves.

Here’s an example:

Who would be more motivating – your mother lecturing you, telling you to do something with your life, or somebody who themselves is motivated, who is living their dream, and simply asks that you join them on their quest?

It’s the same when you approach a beautiful woman:

if you want the women you approach to be more open, free, and fully expressed, then set the standard by you yourself being more open, free, and fully expressed.

It really is quite incredible what happens when you lead by example.

It’s just like Ghandi says, after all: “Be the change you want to see in the world”.

Jonathon

More importantly, they get in to it to “enrich” their relationships with women and improve their chances of striking up relationships – by dealing with their insecurities and limiting beliefs.

The problem is, though, that most guys get in this community, and get good. And then they lose sight of the abovementioned aim.

What happens is they get good at “picking up girls” and they stick to it because it becomes comfortable and easy. And because it becomes a GREAT new way of covering up insecurities and gaining validation from other males.

And people in general.

I have been in the dating community for just over a year and had the pleasure of meeting some of the best guys around.

And I noticed that a lot of these guys are GOOD at getting WOMEN, but not WOMEN THEY WANT.

So I ask you, is what you REALLY want validation? Or actually relationships with women you’re attracted to?

Let me explain.

I was at Baroq the other night and saw two really tall girls who were absolutely beautiful.

Or at least they would be considered so by “society’s standards”. And logically, I found them ‘attractive’, but I didn’t FEEL anything for them, so a part of me came to surmise that “I want to talk to them”, but another part had no drive for it.

Later the same night I saw this short girl. Not as supermodel shaped as the other 2 women.

But when I looked at her, I felt something in my loins, and a motivation .. I felt sexual in her presence. I don’t know why or how, but I did and I was more interested in pursuing her than the other really tall girls.

So whats my point?

Know what the fuck you want, whether its validation from other guys, or actually enjoyment of the company of people that enrich your life. And don’t approach 50 girls, approach 50 girls you’re ATTRACTED to.

I’m still trying to find the line between “Abundance” and “Pursuing”.

I’d rather be good at getting girls I like than getting girls. How bout you?

Guys then ask me, “If that guy is so good at pick up, why isn’t he with HB10s every week?

And my simple answer to that is:

“Because he knows what he wants – and he is doing it for his own happiness, not yours”.

Sometimes they’ll be Hb10s. Sometimes they’ll be HB7s. But they will always be girls he is actually attracted to.

End rant.

- Jekz

You become NICE.

And then there is the flaking. You might exchange numbers her, but deep down you know that there’s a pretty good chance you’ll never see her again. Gotta improve those odds!

I know this situation well – because I’ve been there.

A couple of years ago I was ‘gaming’ maybe half a dozen of women, and approaching countless others – but when I would see the one that I really wanted, I’d chicken out.

And when I finally approached them, I’d be too nervous to flirt.

I’d just talk rubbish with them for a bit – and then wonder why they never returned my calls.

I realised it was time for some serious changes about how I saw myself. It was time to tear up the routine sheets, lay down my ‘PUA weaponz’ and take a look at this inner game business.

A couple of months and some deep introspection later I was ready to start again. Girls began to just .. happen. My nerves quelled and I could talk to these women, regardless of how attractive or not they were, with ease. Anywhere. (Perhaps too ‘anywhere’, as that recent in-car video revealed).

I’m not bragging – you know I tend to keep quiet about my dating exploits (except when I stick up video footage of them on the Internet :) – though this time I need to illustrate my point:

- There is a girl who’d probably score a 9 in most men’s books coming over tomorrow night to ‘make us desert’ and chill out.

- I have a date with another girl on Wednesday who is just adorable.

- Last night I was with a beautiful girl who I met a couple of weeks ago.

And I’m not even making any effort to go out and ‘sarge’.. or ‘stay sharp’. If you’ve ever met me in real life you probably know that I enjoy my time in bookshops much more than I like going to bars and clubs.

Hell, I’ve spent the past 6 months behind my laptop – mostly in cafes and bookshops – working on all the super-nerdy AI stuff. Graphic design, planning, coding, marketing, doing accounts.

Hardly the life of a ‘seducer’ or a ‘PUA’.

And yet, I’m meeting women very regularly, staying in touch with them, and dating them. And they’re hot!

So, what’s going on?

To begin, I realised that approaching women ANYWHERE really is as hard as you make it. But approaching them is just part of the problem – in the past I would often approach, then get blown out within a moment.

What happened there is I forgot to consider WHY I was approaching them and HOW I perceived these women.

I totally skipped that little nugget and paid for it big time with lots of amazing women who I will never have an opportunity with again.

Don’t be like me. Read this instead, and benefit:

Let’s take care of first things first. It’s not my purpose to put anybody down, although it always offends people when LoGun and I don’t buy into their beliefs.

I’d like to simply point out that you can exist in a number of realities.

Each reality brings with it different thoughts and resulting experiences, and you will interpret the exact same situation with a woman differently depending on which reality you’re currently in.

Let me explain.

Objectivism is the reality of most of the seduction community. In this reality, there is concrete, set meaning in this world – i.e., she is a HB10. That’s a lot of value. I need to demonstrate higher value than 10. Or I need to bring her down to where I am.

There is risk involved. There is a zero-sum game. There is winning and loss. There are nerves.

- Me: “Nice eyes.”
- Her: “Thanks.”
- Me: “Especially the right one.”
- Her: “Haha.” (hits me).

Ok, so that was a pretty funny and innocent example of what some might call a backhanded complement or a neg – designed to restore balance in objective value levels and give you an upper hand.

So is there a better way?

Well, the model I just described is well expressed through every single school of thought within the seduction community.

Conceptually, it would appear to those who are in that reality that there is an outside, fixed, tangible world of meaning out there.

And the solution to becoming the master of this world would involve rigorous study of it (reading everything under the sun about social dynamics) –

- and then changing yourself to fit the mould of expectations which you perceive to be perceived by women of this world as desirable.

What a headspin, eh? Stick with me, we’re getting there.

Point is, you perceive the women, yourself and all interactions between you as being caused by the world and existing independently of you.

(As you will see, the reality that allows you to close a HB10 without raising an eyebrow is exactly backwards).

By necessity, the attitude towards women that accompanies this reality is that the meaning which is assigned to women is somewhere outside of you – therefore outside your control.

There is you and there is meaning, seemingly separated from one another.

Women, who are actually real, seem distant and objects to be conquered. The meanings, which are meaningless in the reality which I’m about to move on to, seem immediate and real.

Keep in mind that most of this is unconscious – meaning that it seems to exist out there in the world, rather than in your own mind. So situations which involve women are considered to have potential for failure OR success.

There is potential for embarrassment OR comfort. Rejection OR acceptance. Fear or heroism. Loss or love.

Almost needless to say, all of this leads to countless oddities, including the bizarre notion that approach anxiety is an evolutionary baggage you’re carrying from the times where rejection meant death of your genes.

Vomit.

How about an explanation that’s a so simple (yet elegant) that it’s been overlooked by so many?

Approach anxiety exists because your mind made it real.

This nonsensical tragedy of objective mind is considered to be the norm by all seduction community schools, which are themselves as mad as the costumes, tricks and ‘attraction switches’ they list as pre-requisites to ‘close’ a ‘HB10’.

Pardon me, this is where a seduction community representative would correct me by pointing out that ‘natural game’ is now chic, not costumes or negs.

Great. And what kind of oxymoron is the expression ‘natural game’? It’s right up there with ‘crash landing’ and ‘Microsoft Works’.

Onwards.

The next reality is what we would refer to as semi-objectivism.

This could be described as a kinder, gentler form of objectivity where certain empowering ideas have begun to be accepted by the mind.

One such idea would be:

“Well, if a HB10 is so high value, then why is the guy who is with her is NOT a jerk, and buys her flowers, treats her like a princess, he approached her up by saying ‘hello’ to her asked her about all ‘taboo’ subjects like family, work, religion, politics and sport?”

And if she is so high-value – and he is breaking all rules and doing all these wussy things – is his behaviour some part of latest ultra-strong-frame-ninja-seduction-fatality-natural-game-strategy that he downloaded from the top secret “ATTRACTZORG” podcasts?

Once the answer to such questions is clearly seen to be OF COURSE NOT, a long closed door has been nudged open.

In this state of semi-objectivism, your mind has begun to lose some of its hidden but terrible fear of not being accepted for what it is.

You are more free to be yourself, and not fear rejection for being so.

Now women seem less threatening to you. Why? Because you are less inclined to prop up your identity as a man by the success you’re experiencing (or not experiencing) with women.

You still think of yourself as an objective entity, and the reality of women still seems to be outside of you, but now you sense that the objective world is not the cause of your situation.

You pause to consider, “perhaps the only one object which was always there when things appeared to be going down the toilet was me”.

Now, here is the MOST IMPORTANT bit.

Do you remember that old riddle, that is the tree falls in the middle of the forest and there is nobody there to hear it, does it still make a sound?

Take a moment to answer that. Yes or no?

Now, think about this. What the tree does is send out sound waves. Sound waves, like radio waves – and for that matter, energy waves – require a receiver to pick them up.

There are many radio waves going through your surroundings right now, but there is no sound because there’s no receiver tuned into them.

The human or animal ear is a receiver. If a tree falls in the middle of the forest and there’s nobody to hear it, then it does not make a sound.

Sound isn’t sound until you hear it and interpret it as such, just as a HB10 is not scary or incredibly full of social value until you interpret her to be such.

Are we deep down the rabbit hole yet??

So, without you to perceive the value of this so-called HB10 the value is not there.

So you can open her with just about as much difficulty as you would ‘open’ a toddler in a sandbox who is being too noisy – to tell him to shut the fookk up. Err, please.

And you can close this ‘HB10’ with just about as much difficulty as you would ‘close’ an old school friend that you bumped into in street years later and wanted to sink some beers with.

Now, this concept of subjectivity is hardly an original one.

LoGun and I didn’t dream up this process, but we refined it and over the past 2 years we have become very effective at showing you how to progress through it.


Look out for the next time we announce a round of inner game training .. and ask yourself – which reality would you rather be in?

Now I’m off to claim $10 bucks that LoGun owes me .. it’s a long long story for another time.


Steven