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You owe it to yourself.

You owe it to yourself to sit in front of the computer for hours trying to memorise the next step in the sequence.

You owe it to yourself to repress your core, masculine self under layers and layers of someone else’s personality.

An most importantly, you owe it to yourself to blame someone else in the world for where you are now and why you haven’t got the success you want.

Because it’s not until you realise that-

-There’s no easy way out

That there’s no magic bullet, and you’re ready to take responsibility for where you are and the issues you face in your life…

That you’re going to be ready to see that there is some deeper stuff going on.

Until that point in time, you’re still going to be wondering,

“Do I really have to go through all this stuff? Do I really have to look inside?

“Do I really have to dig into excuses that I’ve been feeding myself for so many years to see that they’re solely my creation?”

And you’re not going to be committed to real change.

You’re going to have one foot out the door, you’re going to hold back in the exercises, and you’re not going to get the life transforming results that you’ve been looking for.

You’re not going to see the barriers that you’ve been using to sabotage your own success, just melt away.

You’re not going to experience the complete social freedom and feel the uncontrollable joy that you’ve been searching for.

And you’re not going to wake up next to the smiling faces of those beautiful women you’ve been watching from the sidelines for so long.

So please, go and “learn” how to seduce women – rather becoming the kind of real man who women flock to.

Learn how to put a bandaid after bandaid on top of your fears to have them rear their ugly head when you least expect it…

…Rather than dissolving them..

So that they’re never part of your life again.

And hide your true self away until you’ve proven to yourself that that’s never going to get you what you want.

Then, we can talk.

LoGun

I’m serious.

Here, take it. I grant you the right, by the powers vested in me by whatever. Go nuts.

What do you mean, you don’t want it?

Oh, I’m not authorised to hand out such licenses?

Wait, you’re saying that NOBODY has this kind of license to give out?

That it doesn’t exist? That I’ve gone mental?

But then, why do you kiss ass so hard with *her* in the hope of getting a license?

Don’t act coy: I know you do.

You try to make the girls (and the boys) like you, so they finally let you do what you want. I know you do because I know you’re just like me.

A while ago, I met a guy through friends.

He was a ‘pick-up artist’, a student of the techniques of seduction. I had heard of this so-called ’seduction community’ and was interested in meeting a real PUA.

I clearly remember the first time I saw him. He was talking to a group of girls, they were all laughing, and I saw him smack one on the ass.

When I met him, I asked him about it. He responded with:

“I just met her… I couldn’t have done that a few weeks ago, I’m just starting to get good at this stuff.”

And I realised that had always been my deep desire: I wanted to be about to smack a girl on the ass, and do whatever else I wanted, and just get away with it.

So from that day, I became a protege of my new ass-spanking friend.

I wanted this freedom.

I wanted this license. I was asking, what can I do to get people to give me this license?

But I was ignoring another, deeper question: what was stopping my PUA friend from smacking that ass a few weeks ago?

Was his hand broken?

Was he a completely different person? What was the REAL difference?

I suppose I didn’t ask that question because I thought the answer was obvious. After all, when people like you, when you have their love and respect, you can get away with things.

You can pull things off.

It could be something as simple as going out wearing a fedora: if people like you, you’re ‘unique’; if they don’t like you, you’re ‘a dick’.

If you’re with friends, you have the ‘halo effect’ on your side. This is an observed effect in psychology wherein if someone is perceived as ‘good’, everything he does is assumed to be good.

He can smack her ass. He can sing. He can swear. He can dance. He can flirt. And it’s all good.

You can do crazy shit, and it will be seen as funny (not crazy).

You can try bizarre things and you’ll be seen as ballsy (not bizarre).

That is why I wanted to be liked. If people like you, they’re giving you a license that says:

“Do what the fuck you want. You’ve earned this license, and we will support you, without judgement.”

When I had this, I felt completely free.

The problem is, as we’ve seen, this whole license metaphor starts sounding really stupid pretty quickly, once you look into it…

Some licenses are only applicable in certain social circles. My mates gave me this kind of license (but how many more licenses do you need to cover every other scenario in your life?).

Some licenses have small print on them: it’s not a gold class license, so I can do what I want *only* up to a point (my family gave me one of these).

Some people will probably never give me the license – either they don’t have the license to give in the first place (perhaps they never
received their own license)…

…or maybe they’re the kind of person who expects you just to take the license without asking. Perhaps they hope you will.

How long are you going to wait for your license?

And when you finally get the license, will it be conditional?

Will it be revoked if you go too far with it? Will you know how to use it, or will you have waited so long that you don’t know how to do whatever you want anymore?

I think you get the idea. In lay terms: nobody else can really give you permission to do what you want. You have to give yourself
permission first.

Sure, people can react badly to you.

Not everyone is going to like you.

You can get fired, dumped, judged or rejected – but is that anything new?

And here’s the twist: the best way to avoid these things is to go ahead and print your own license anyway.

What do you think of men who do whatever they want? They’re described as badasses, real men, strong people, driven, confident, etc.

And do women like this type of man?

The irony is delicious.

All I wanted was to get away with it, to pull it off. And it seems that no matter which way you look at it, it all starts and ends with me.

Luke (deepPlay)

It was at a recent inner game seminar we did. I was talking to one of the guys after the gig; Jonno was in close vicinity, talking to himself.

[See? It's my raging insecurities causing me to pay him out in my blog posts. Of course, that's a lie - only certifiably crazy people talk to themselves in public...

...Jonno is not crazy, he doesn't talk to himself. He was in close vicinity, talking to the water cooler].

OK, I lie again. He was talking with one of the guys who came to the gig. There.

Suddenly I heard the following words roll of hid tongue:

“… quite insecure actors…”, or something to that effect.

Now, have you ever been in a noisy room, full of background chatter, and suddenly your attention snaps to the sound of your name that someone just muttered 7 metres away?

Jonno’s words pierced all the room chatter and registered in my brain in the same fashion.

“Actors? Insecure?”, I turned my head.

It was puzzling to me because my own insecurities have always manifested in me retreating and shutting down. In those moments, a person standing on stage, in front of an audience or camera seemed like a poster child of all freedom and security.

I mean, there they are on stage – in plain view of everyone – not afraid to express themselves! How can they possibly be insecure, I would ponder from the safety of my damp and dimly lit batcave, peeling spiderwebs off my nose.

Jonno clarified it for me.

“Yea man, its all about attention. Look at me look at me! Am I good enough, am I good enough am I good enough?? If I’m not on stage, I’m not worthy”, is what’s going through a lot of their heads.

It seems so basic, but the genius of it never occured to me before.

I always upheld the loud, centre-of-attention performers as people who had their shit figured out more than the rest of us, thus enabling them to cope with being the centre of attention.

This lesson made even more obvious the insignificance of worrying about what I “SHOULD” be doing, thereby living up to standards set by someone else.

Even if that someone else is experiencing stardom and is typically upheld by society as “the elite”.

And this lesson highlighted the significance of doing what I “WANT” to be doing – living my purpose – thereby living to my own standards.

Upholding some actor for his ability to be onstage is one thing. Being able to see that he is onstage for the same reasons I shy away from stage is another.

Not looking up or down at this actor, and accepting his behaviour for what it is – his own process and journey, whilst also accepting myself and my own process as such is .. liberating.

Steven