Back then, when a guy walked past a cute girl in the street, he would rarely give her a smile.

And the girl, despite knowing that the guy was walking towards her, would choose to look straight ahead.

She would choose not to acknowledge him.

The guy and the girl would walk past each other, refusing to express their true feelings.

Choosing to play it safe. Choosing to put up an act instead.

Is it any wonder that people had trouble meeting back then?

Back then, people would rely on contexts to give them permission to meet one another.

They would pay money to go “speed-dating”.

And yet, on the way to the “speed-dating”, they would walk past 10 attractive people of the opposite sex, who they felt attracted to.

And yet, they felt like they weren’t allowed to start a conversation with those people.

Is it any wonder that people felt alone back then?

Back then, people would marry, thinking that the marriage would bring happiness.

Essentially, they would make their partner responsible for bringing happiness into their life.

The departure point for relationships back then was “I’m not that happy. But when I find the right person to marry, I’ll be happy.”

They were in relationships of neediness, rather than gifting.

is it any wonder that there was so much divorce back then?

Back then, people were led to believe that accumulating assets led to life satisfaction.

Consequently, people would study for, and enter jobs, they didn’t particularly enjoy doing.

But those jobs promised high earning potential. And sometimes status. People would dedicate their lives to these jobs, to “get ahead”. To make money.

And then they would spend their money on assets. Assets which would give a temporary feeling of “Yea!”, followed by hollowness and desire of more assets.

Is it any wonder that people back then felt unfulfilled?

Back then, people … no – states, countries, CONTINENTS, would make it their mission to build economic prosperity. To PRODUCE M-O-R-E S-T-U-F-F.

They believed that acquiring MORE STUFF would translate to a better quality of life, and more happiness.

Is it any wonder that the planet was so polluted back then?

Back then, people began to ask questions.

They asked:

Is life really all about eating, drinking, fucking, smoking, spending, sleeping, waking, taking holidays, buying, ipod apps, being stylish, being liked, being pretty, being a hippie, being a CEO, being a model, being a PUA, being a … whatever.

Is becoming “something” the answer? Is being in whatever state of higher being the answer? Or are those merely clues to the answer?

What is the answer? And which part of you is asking the question? And why?

Steven

I wanted to snap at him with something like..

“Quit your whinging, grab your life by the balls and WAKE UP TO YOURSELF, MAN!”

But I don’t think that would’ve achieved anything close to what I wanted to achieve.

I went on a little road trip around Australia a little while ago and it was a very eye opening experience.

I got to see a perspective of the world that I haven’t seen for a very long time.

It reminded me just how far I’ve been able to come in just a few short years.

When you’re traveling around, you don’t really have that much of a say in the people you end up staying with.

Some people are amazing, they’ll open your eyes and fill your hearts with incredible stories. And then there’s some who… Well…

You wouldn’t normally choose to hang with.

I spent a week with one of those guys.

“But it’s just unfair. Why should they get all the opportunities? Why should they get all the chances?…

…There’s people out there who’ve been working much longer than they have and they don’t get those opportunities so why should they?”

And he just went on, and on, and on… And it upset me because he just couldn’t see it. Just like the old me couldn’t.

I remember how must frustration and anger that old mindset used to make me and how far from what I wanted to get it took me.

That mindset of:

- I’m only going to be happy when I can get those things in life that look so shiny, that look so amazing, that everyone else tells me that I need to get in order to be happy.

- Because I’m unhappy, it must be because there’s things in the outside world that are preventing me from doing what I want with my life.

- When I get that one lucky break, then I’m going to finally be happy. I just need that one little opportunity and then, finally, my life is going to be the way I want it to be.

And I remember how efficient it was at pushing everything I was chasing in my life away from me…

Do you think the women I so desperately desired because I thought they were going to be the long lost key to my happiness wanted to be around me?

Do you think the jobs that I so desperately craved because they represented my level of importance in the world were in my reach?

Do you think that illusive ‘happiness’ was ever just around the corner?

As I sat there and listened to him go on and on, I wanted to help him. I wanted to help him see how he was holding himself back. I wanted to help him find his strength and power.

But he wasn’t ready to hear it just yet.

So I didn’t push it. I just sat down. And let him keep going down the same path. We all have to walk our own journey.

At some point in time, he’s going to come to a point where he finds that his path isn’t getting him where he wants to be…

And then he might be ready to look at a different way that might help him get there.

And if he does, I’ll be there to help him because I know, from first hand experience, how much strength and courage it takes to walk this new path.

I know how many barriers and hurdles there are to overcome. And I know just how scary it can be.

And that’s what I love about this community we’ve built here, together.

It’s filled with strong Men, who’re able to take a good hard look at their life, at the way things are, take responsibility for them, and then take control of their life.

The AI community, this brotherhood of strength and courage, that inspires me every day to push myself, and challenge my world in ways that only a few short years ago, I thought was impossible.

So thank you. Thank you for your courage, your strength, and your determination. You are my greatest inspiration.

Your brother,

LoGun

“And when you can’t anymore, absolutely commit yourself to love, because you know that the easy way out leads to suffering: it *IS* suffering.” – David Deida

Identity; Who you are.

Or is it?

I mean, who are you, really? We tend to cling to that, which identifies us: what we do, who we are with, what we stand for, how many women we’ve seduced.

But more than just cling to it, we also seek ways of expanding that identity as well – more money, more women, more self-help, better career, more “stuff”.

And this pursuit, sometimes (or a lot of the time) is at the expense of many things: health, our function, our ability, friendships, relationships, family…

Think of all the things you’ve sacrificed in the name of something to do with your identity (a great stereotypical example is the overly busy corporate CEO).

We sometimes even convince ourselves that we do it for the greater good.

The real reason is that we do it to solidify our identity even more.

And why would we do that?

I suggest that it is to outdo all the other identity’s that surround us. To be better than; superior; alpha.

And specifically for our community: to be recognised as awesome.

We discover our unhappiness, and attempt to do the easiest thing possible to remove that unhappiness, and to feel happy again.

But in this easy quest for happiness, we continually look outside of ourselves for those answers, for it is easier for us to get the answer from somewhere else, than to look inside and create it for ourselves.

Just like Deida says – (we) keep taking the easy way out.

Sooner or later (I hope) we will realise the folly of this: that no lasting happiness or fulfillment will ever come from object, person, or thing.

But this is the curse of our identity.

Wear your identity out – take it as far as it can go. If you identify your life by the job that you do, then be that job fully.

Take it to its extreme – show up early and stay back late, sacrifice time with your family and loved ones to be at work; keep doing it until you can’t do it any longer.

Keep chasing tail until you can’t chase it any longer.

Keep doing these things until you learn for yourself that the path of your identity has never satisfied you, but more than that, WILL never satisfy you.

Once you learn this for yourself, you will have worn your identity out, like a pair of work-boots that have seen WAY too many jobsites, or the schoolbag that just can’t hold those books any longer.

Once that identity of yours has been worn out, you will have two options:

Pick another identity and pursue it with all your heart (and I am certainly one who is guilty of having done that in the past, and who is still prone to doing it to this day)…

OR

Find your life in something greater than who you think you are (your identity).

In the words of Deida – dedicate yourself to love.

Love of self.
Love of women.
Love of life.
Love of being.

When your life stops being about solidifying your identity above all else, you will find out just how delicious life is.

When you stop trying to cover up the symptoms of your unhappiness with your identity, and start living life from your core as a gift to those around you, you will KNOW how incredible this place we call reality is.

Jonathon

(I poured a drink on her sister’s head in the middle of Hugo’s – in retaliation for her throwing ice at me … mature, I know)

My girl got understandably upset and, on the way home, said something to me which I found disturbing:

“Let’s not fight again .. let’s just make each other happy”.

That sounds so romantic in that Cinderella-ish, “happily ever after” kind of way .. and that expression is built into our language, as if the formula for happiness is:

Step 1: find the right person
Step 2: be happy

I don’t like that. For two reasons.

First, it assumes that happiness by self is something that is not possible – or, at least, very difficult to reach.

Second, it places the responsibility for happiness on someone outside the self. Is it really fair to charge another person with the duty of providing happiness in your life?

That other person, be it a man or a woman, is just another human being, with their own flaws and issues – and by becoming our boyfriend / girlfriend, do they really sign up for the job of being the purveyor of happiness to you? Hell no.

It is only a matter of time before we realise that, but if we place that expectation on the person in the first place, there’s only one destination for both of us:

Disappointment and resentment.

I’d like to submit that happiness is something that must stem from the self. That will lead to relationships of mutual growth, rather than co-dependency and fear of loss.

Steven

Every guy I’ve ever coached have suffered from this in some way. I suffered from it.

And I tried countless techniques to deal with it, but it wasn’t till I realised a simple and obvious truth that I was ever able to rid myself of fear of rejection for good.

Let’s take a moment to see what fear of rejection is.

It can grip you, HARD. Sweaty palms, butterflies, tight chest, and then the mind chatter starts: “What’s going to happen? What should I say? What if she…”

But think about this – fear of rejection doesn’t grip you EVERY time you talk to a woman, right?

Yes, sometimes it’s fierce. But other times it’s non-existent, and you can run free, without thinking, doing what you want and saying what you want to say.

How is this possible? I racked my brain trying to work it out.

Was the difference caused by the bar I was in? Not really, although being in familiar surroundings can help.

Was the difference caused by the group I was rolling with? No, but being in a cool group could make me feel better.

Was the difference in techniques? Well, no.

And then it struck me, and it was so obvious: the difference wasn’t what I was doing. It wasn’t how I was doing it

It was how I felt!

When I felt great, when my mood was amazing, I didn’t care whether women responsded positively (which usually meant she did anyway).

It was only when I felt ordinary that I cared at all. The more ordinary I felt, the more the fear of rejection took hold.

So consider this:

Have you ever been in such a great mood – have you ever walked so tall – that it didn’t even matter what happened with ‘that girl’?

Have you ever felt so great that you didn’t even care whether she responded positively or not?

Then do you think it’d be faster and easier to work on fading ways to deal with every kind of rejection scenario she could give you?

Or do you think it would be faster and easier to just get in a great mood and not have to care what she thinks?

Do you want to set yourself for a lifetime of hard work, constantly having to battle against your fears and doubts, or do you want to be able to leave them all behind and do what you want, when you want?

Thing is, you can never guarantee that she’s going to respond positively. Ever.

I don’t care what kind of super duper, highly advanced, NASA designed routine stack you have.

She could be in a shit mood, she could be testing you, she could even be doing just for the hell of it. She’s feminine, it’s how she works.

If you spend your time going down that path, it’s only going to lead you to more and more work.

If you take control of how you feel though, you wont have to worry about dealing with those kinds of problems because they simply wont matter.

But before you decide which path you’re going to go down, I want you to consider one more thing.

Do you think she’s more likely to respond positively to someone who’s delivering a half-arsed canned opener (structured or natural) through a thin veil of non-attachment designed to (poorly) hide the ever rising fear?

Or do you think she’s more likely to respond positively to the genuinely happy and loving guy who’s being real, present, and open with her?

Think about it and get back to me…

LoGun