Wanna Be A Player?

by Steven on August 19, 2009 · No Comments

If you wanna be a player, you’re in good hands.

And, as with any other advice you read here, you should know that the answers you’re about to receive will be different to what you’re expecting.

So, if you’re ready for a bit of a reality check, read on.

Now, you’re probably already aware that if you wanna be a player, the Internet is full of advice which will give you tips and and tricks on how to behave around women.

So, you’re probably familiar with rules like “be mysterious”, “don’t come across as a nice guy provider type”, “don’t call too often”, etc.

But you see if you wanna be a player, you need to know something more than just how to play the game.

You need to be aware of WHY you’re playing this game.

So let’s go a but deeper. (And hopefully get you more results in the process).

Let’s fast forward a few months, past this time when you just wannabe a player. Let’s fast forward straight to the end goal – to the time when you ARE a player.

You now have 4 girlfriends who you can call at any time. You have another 6 girls “in the works”. And you have one smokin’ hot “primary” girlfriend, who you see the most.

Nice. You feel good about yourself when you flick through numbers in your phone. And heads turn every time you walk into a club with your smokin’ hot “primary” on your arm.

Now, if you still wanna be a player, let me ask you these questions:

What do you think having 11 women in your life, as opposed to your current situation, will give you? Will that make you content about life? More content than you are now?

Will you feel good about yourself? Will you feel better than you do now?

By extension, does that mean you’re not content and feeling good about yourself right now? Not as content as you could be?

And, by extension of that, does that mean that you’ll be approaching these 11 women with a sense of …. well, inner lack? Hoping that their presence in your life improves your current situation?

Now, let’s take ourselves to the very moment you approach each one of these 11 women for the very first time.

I’m sure you’ve read dating advice on the Internet about how to approach women. And this dating advice has told you that if you wanna be a player, coming across needy is a big no-no.

But hold on, didn’t we just establish that you need a woman to stop you from … lacking something?

DOES THAT MEAN YOU ARE NEEDY?

Dammit.

Good thing that the Internet is full of advice which teaches you how to demonstrate traits of a guy who is not needy, right?

And if you wanna be a player, just repeat them enough to the point where they become second nature. Right?

Now, no “I wanna be a player” conversation would be complete without talking about the women. So, let’s talk about them for a moment.

What kind of woman dates a man who needs her to feel better about himself? If we wanted to put it more provocatively, we could rephrase the question to -

What kind of woman dates a man who is needing her, but is outwardly projecting a facade of non-neediness (in other words, lying to himself and, by extension, to her as well) about his reasons for being with her?

Would this be a woman who is savvy and sees right through the bullshit?

Or is it a woman who is too caught up in her own bullshit, considering herself lucky enough to be with a guy “who is so mysterious”, and “who other girls want”..

..and she is clinging on to you in the same fashion that you are to her, hoping that your presence in her live rescues her from her own little inner doom?

Hmm. Look, I’m not saying that chasing women is a bad thing. Pursuit and seduction of a female can be the most exciting, deliriously intoxicating affair – for her and you.

My point is, for as long as you define the quality of your life by what you GET / HAVE / OBTAIN (not excluding the women in your life), the issue of neediness will be endemic in your existence..

You may try to fix it by learning how to act like a non-needy “player” guy, but you’ll forever be covering up the real issue with band-aids.

You’ll probably find issues on incongruence rising up a lot of the time. (Is it any surprise? You literally have two of “YOU” rising to the surface).

And it’s not until you begin to shift your sense of fulfillment to be defined by who you are, that you will see the issue of being ‘needy’ begin to dissolve.

And that is something that can only take place from the inside.

Steven